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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24309184">and I can't fight this feeling anymore, I've forgotten what I started fighting for</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/brianmaybrianmay/pseuds/brianmaybrianmay'>brianmaybrianmay</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Generation Kill</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Falling In Love, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, First Time, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Misunderstandings, Sharing a Bed, Vacation</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 03:22:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>37,616</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24309184</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/brianmaybrianmay/pseuds/brianmaybrianmay</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"So." He started as he unscrewed the cap of his water bottle, "I'm taking a couple days off next week, Ray and I are going down to the Ozarks for a few days." He shrugged.<br/>Walt hummed, picking absentmindedly at his potato chips, "That's cool, when'd you guys plan this?"<br/>"Last night, just. He called me, apparently he was going with a buddy, but the other guy bailed on him."<br/>Walt just smiled, looking over at him, "It'll be fun, he's missed you."</i>
</p><p> </p><p>or, Brad and Ray go on a fishing trip - featuring not a lot of actual fishing.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Brad Colbert/Ray Person</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>65</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>and I can't fight this feeling anymore, I've forgotten what I started fighting for</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>thanks so much for reading, hope you guys enjoy :) </p><p>as always, this is based off GK, not the real life Marines!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>If Brad was asked, he'd say that he was actually pretty comfortable with the way things were going right now.</p><p>They were six months post OIF. They'd all managed to get back in one piece, and now they were dispersed throughout the country.</p><p>Each of the men had a different story after OIF. Ray and Nate had both left the Marine Corps shortly after they'd gotten back - Ray had moved back to Missouri to his girlfriend, and Nate had moved back out East to go to college. Walt was still a Marine, but Brad knew that he was toying with the idea of leaving. Trombley had finally gone through BRC and was now a fully fledged Recon Marine. Poke had moved back to LA to be with his wife and daughters. So yeah, life was different for them since they'd gotten back.</p><p>As for him, he was still a Marine. He'd received a promotion to Gunnery Sergeant once they'd gotten back from Iraq - for his efforts throughout OIF, however bullshit that entire tour might have been, but anyway, and so he was now stationed as the Company Gunnery Sergeant of H&amp;S Company. He missed Bravo Two, but he knew that these sort of changes were necessary when it came to advancing in his career. Besides, it wasn't like it was awful or anything - he actually rather liked the guys in H&amp;S, and being the Company Gunny meant that he had a bit more responsibility, which he could honestly say he was happy about. He was just relieved that he wasn't still working under Schwetje and Griego though, which was a benefit of leaving Bravo Two. He liked to think that he made a better Company Gunny than Casey Kasem had.</p><p>Things were easy right now though, he wasn't due to be deployed again for another six months. He was pretty sure that they'd be going back to Iraq this time around. They hadn't exactly been told yet, but it was looking pretty likely that they were going to be sent to Fallujah. Still, he wasn't thinking about that just yet, there was no point in speculating.</p><p>He was still living in the same house down in Oceanside, was still keeping himself busy with his bike. Like he'd said, not a whole lot had actually changed for him. It had been a bit of an adjustment though, coming back home to an empty house after having spent so long stuck in such close quarters with the other men. He liked to say that he was a lone wolf, that the Iceman didn't need anybody except himself, but the truth of it was? He was finding it a little lonely. Back when they'd gotten back from Afghanistan, he'd been living in one of the rooms at Pendleton rather than his own place, and the other guys had been right there when they'd gotten back, so it was certainly a bit of a difference this time around.</p><p>He was trying not to think too much about it though, or to let the quietness of the house bother him. He was still working, so that was keeping him busy for the most part. Besides, like he said, he had his bike and his surfboard. He'd entertained the idea of maybe getting a dog or a cat, but since he worked long hours, he'd decided against it. Besides, that only meant he'd need to find someone to look after it when he was deployed again - and his sister had enough on her hands with her year old baby.</p><p>As of right now, he was sat at home at his kitchen table. It was Wednesday night, and with nothing better to be doing with his time, he'd decided to finally have a crack at the old laptop that had been sitting in his garage. The thing was beyond saving, but he'd figured that he'd keep it to salvage for parts. The one he was using at the moment was starting to get on, so he figured that a few parts of it could use replacing. He was about halfway through taking the parts that he needed out of the old laptop, when he felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. Without looking at the caller ID as he dug it out of his pocket, he tucked the phone against his shoulder, "Hello?"</p><p>
  <em>"Well, hello, Big Gay Brad." </em>
</p><p>"Ray, that you?" He asked, smiling as he turned away from the laptop for a moment. He was surprised to hear from him actually. They'd kept somewhat in touch after Ray had moved back to Missouri, but it was mostly the odd email here and there, just catching up on shit that had happened. It was rare that they actually phoned each other, especially at nine in the evening on a Wednesday night.</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah, it's me! What's up?" </em>
</p><p>"Not a whole lot, really. Playing with my laptop."</p><p>
  <em>"Oh, you watching porn? Is she a dirty whore?" </em>
</p><p>He couldn't help but laugh at that, rolling his eyes despite the fact that Ray couldn't see him do it. He hoped that he knew he was doing the gesture anyway, "She is, yeah. I'd describe it to you in detail, but I'm pretty sure you don't want to hear about your mom like that. Or maybe you do, you're all inbred fucks down there in hick country, right?"</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah, fuck you too, homes. Right up the ass." </em>
</p><p>He stifled another laugh at that, abandoning the laptop for the moment as he got up and trailed over to the couch instead. He could go back to tinkering with the laptop later on, his attention was focused more on Ray right now, "So what's up with you?" He asked as he kicked his feet up on the coffee table. He had a feeling that Ray had called him for a reason, since - like he said - it was rare that they actually called each other on the phone.</p><p><em>"Eh, not much."</em> Ray answered, and Brad could almost hear him shrugging over the phone, <em>"I do have a question though, how busy are you over the next, say.. two weeks?" </em></p><p>Mentally checking his calendar to the best of his abilities - although he'd definitely have to actually check his calendar later - he couldn't actually come up with anything that he had planned for the foreseeable future, "Not very. I'm working, but that's it. Why?"</p><p><em>"Because, me and one of my buddies from up here were gonna take a fishing trip to the Ozarks this weekend, stay the week at one of the resort houses there. He fucking bailed on me earlier today though, but it's all paid up already. I just need someone to come with."</em> Ray explained.</p><p>"Ray, you realise how gay that sounds? Taking a romantic little trip away to the Ozark resorts with a 'buddy'?" He asked with a grin. He was only teasing though, he knew that that wasn't actually what Ray's intentions had been.</p><p>
  <em>"Again, fuck you, Brad." </em>
</p><p>He huffed quietly under his breath, rolling his eyes. It could be fun, he supposed. He couldn't remember the last time he'd actually been fishing, and he had no shame in admitting that he did miss Ray. It was near enough to five months since Ray had left the Corps and had moved back to Missouri, and he'd only actually seen him once since then. So yeah, it could be nice to go on this trip with him as a way to catch up if nothing else. Besides, like he'd said, he was working, but he had nothing else planned for the next while. He hadn't taken many days leave lately either, so he had a good few saved up that he could probably take, "Why don't you take Carla?" He asked after a moment of thinking about it. Well yeah, he was surprised that Ray hadn't been going on this trip with his girlfriend in the first place, much less that he was asking him as his second choice rather than her.</p><p>
  <em>"Nah, homes, we broke up a couple weeks back. I'm a free man now." </em>
</p><p>"Oh, shit. What happened?"</p><p>
  <em>"I think she got used to me being gone while we were deployed. It's not that big a deal, we were never that serious anyway." </em>
</p><p>"Alright, well, sorry to hear it anyway." He said with a slight shrug. Well yeah, he had sort of guessed that Ray and Carla weren't going to be getting married any time soon, but he knew that he'd liked her. Still, he didn't seem that cut up about it in any case, "But yeah, I could probably make it though. What's the plan?"</p><p><em>"Awesome, dude!"</em> Ray chirped, and Brad had to smile at the genuine excitement in his voice, <em>"We'll be there Saturday to Saturday. The resort is like a three hour drive from my place, so if you want to catch a flight to Kansas City either Friday night or Saturday morning, we can drive there from my place at whatever time on Saturday." </em></p><p>"Yeah, I can get a flight Saturday morning. If you collect me from the airport, we can head straight out." He suggested with a shrug. It made more sense, he supposed, rather than having to catch a cab out to Ray's house and then having to go from there. He knew they could probably have gotten there a little sooner if he flew down on Friday evening after work, but he'd be getting in at God knows what time if they went with that plan. At least this way, he could catch the first flight out, hopefully, and they could make it to the Ozarks by Saturday afternoon.</p><p>
  <em>"Awesome, yeah. Text me the details of your flight and stuff and I'll be there." </em>
</p><p>"I will, I'll have a look at flights tonight."</p><p><em>"Cool."</em> Ray said, before huffing quietly under his breath in amusement, <em>"Homes, it's gonna be just like Iraq. Me and you road tripping it across the country." </em></p><p>"Yeah.. just without guns, Trombley wanting to shoot every dog he saw, and you strung out on Ripped Fuel." He said with a small smile, biting his lip gently. If he was being honest though, he wouldn't exactly say that he missed any of those details. He missed having Trombley, Walt, and Reporter there - of course he did - but he certainly didn't miss trying to persuade Trombley not to shoot everything that moved, or seeing the vacant look on Walt's face after he'd shot the man in the car. He had a feeling that he'd look back on this roadtrip with Ray a little more fondly. Not that he didn't have fond memories of that tour, of spending long hours with the best guys in the world, but overall it had been a bit of a shitshow.</p><p><em>"Yeah, true that, homes. I'll put a playlist together."</em> Ray said, and Brad couldn't help but laugh and roll his eyes.</p><p>"No country music." He reminded him. Ray just laughed into the phone again before hanging up, and he smiled and rolled his eyes again as he tossed his phone onto the couch next to him. Ray was an idiot, but yeah, maybe he was actually looking forward to this trip more than he'd let on. Like he'd said, he had missed the younger man, so it'd be nice to just get away with him for a week and not have to think about work or responsibilities or anything like that. He wasn't sure he'd ever live it down though, once Ray realised just how awful he was at fishing. Still, he'd save that for when they came to it.</p><p>On that note, he went and switched on his still functioning laptop, searching up flights. The earliest flight he could get was at eight in the morning, so he booked himself a seat on that. Keeping in mind that Missouri was two hours ahead of California, he figured that he'd get to Kansas City for about one in the afternoon. Provided that everything was on time and that they didn't run into much traffic, they'd be getting to the Ozarks in the late afternoon. That was fine actually, meant that they had time to shop for food and get settled in the place before it got too dark out. They had the whole week anyway, there was no rush.</p><p>So he texted Ray the details, letting him know what time he'd be landing at and which arrivals gate he'd be at, before shoving his phone back in his pocket and going back to the other laptop.</p><p> </p><p>-x-</p><p> </p><p>The first thing he did when he got to work the next morning, was go straight to his C.O and ask for the time off next week. He doubted that it'd be a problem - like he'd said, he hadn't taken many days off since he'd been moved to H&amp;S Company, so he couldn't see the C.O having a issue with it.</p><p>Thankfully he was fine with it, and waved Brad off as he left his office with an 'enjoy your time off'. He liked his new C.O, he had to admit. Captain Dan Miller, he was two years older than Brad, from South Carolina. He was a nice guy, but mostly it was that he was a hell of a lot better at his job than Captain Schwetje was. He felt sorry for Bravo Two being stuck with that idiot for the foreseeable future, but those guys were the best that First Recon had, so he didn't worry about them too much regardless. As the new Gunnery Sergeant for the Company though, he was pretty much Miller's right hand man, so he knew it was important for them to get along - thankfully, he hadn't found it too hard to like the other man.</p><p>He'd promised Walt that he'd meet him for lunch that afternoon, and so once two o'clock rolled around, he drove over to the Subway that was over on the South side gate. He'd been looking forward to this actually, ever since he'd been transferred over to H&amp;S Company, he hadn't gotten many chances to see the guys from Bravo Two. Like he'd said already, a lot of them had gotten out almost as soon as they'd gotten home from their last deployment - and there were a lot that he weren't totally sure would re-up again once their next term ended, Walt included. So yeah, he liked to try and see them when he got the time, especially since a lot of them would be moving back home halfway across the country once they were out.</p><p>He trailed into the Subway, waving over at Walt who was already sat at a table, before he headed up to the counter to order his sandwich. Once he'd gotten it, he joined Walt at the table, giving him a small smile as he sat down, "Hey, Walt."</p><p>"Hey, what's up? Busy morning?"</p><p>"Not really, been putting together orders of fucking.. batteries and ammo and shit." He shrugged as he unwrapped his sandwich. It had been a pretty slow morning actually, he'd spent more time playing minesweeper on the computer than anything else really. Still, the fact that they'd had such a shitty time with Griego as their Gunnery Sergeant last time around meant that he was twice as dedicated to making sure that he did a good job. He didn't want his new guys to go through the same shit that they had, and have nobody to blame for it but him.</p><p>"Man, fuck those H&amp;S guys, get your ass back to Bravo." Walt told him with a grin, "Encino Man blew his top at Q-Tip earlier for that new moustache he's growing. Apparently he never got the memo that nobody gives a fuck about the grooming standard right now, even if Q-Tip does look ridiculous. But yeah, he fucking talked back to him, so now Encino Man has been on the warpath all morning. We need the Iceman back."</p><p>Brad just laughed, shaking his head. He wasn't really surprised to hear that though, they'd always known that Schwetje was a fucking idiot with skewed priorities. So as much as he missed the guys from Bravo, he certainly didn't miss having to put up with that bullshit on a daily basis. Still, part of him wished that he'd been there to see Stafford talking back to him, if only to see the dumbstruck expression he knew Schwetje would've had, "How's the new Platoon leader?" He asked after a moment.</p><p>"Ah, he's fine. He's no Nate Fick, but he seems like a good guy." Walt explained with a shrug of his own.</p><p>He hadn't been surprised at the fact that Nate had left, that he'd decided to move back out East and go back to college with his GI bill. Nate had been dragged through the shit more than anyone during OIF, and so he couldn't really blame him for wanting out of the Marine Corps as soon as possible. But yeah, he knew that they'd been blessed to have him as their Platoon commander during their deployment, so it had been a bit of a kick in the teeth to see him go - even if he'd already been transferred out of Bravo by the time that Nate had left. Still, his paddle party had been a good one though, and he supposed that that only reflected on Nate's character.</p><p>"Our new TL is a bit of a dick though. It's like he's trying to prove he'll do a better job than the Iceman, so I really think you need to come back and kick his ass, at least." Walt shrugged, and Brad just laughed.</p><p>They idly chatted while they ate, Walt updating him on the other news from Bravo Two and with how things were going at home - he and Laura were in the middle of planning their wedding, and so he'd been kept busy with that.</p><p>"So." He started as he unscrewed the cap of his water bottle, "I'm taking a couple days off next week, Ray and I are going down to the Ozarks for a few days." He shrugged.</p><p>Walt hummed, picking absentmindedly at his potato chips, "That's cool, when'd you guys plan this?"</p><p>"Last night, just. He called me, apparently he was going with a buddy, but the other guy bailed on him."</p><p>Walt just smiled, looking over at him, "It'll be fun, he's missed you."</p><p>"I know, I've missed him too." He admitted with a shrug of his own. Well yeah, that was the truth. The RTO of H&amp;S was a nice kid, but he just.. he missed the dynamic that he and Ray had had. They'd worked well together, and he genuinely considered the younger man one of his best friends. So yeah, he'd missed having him around, "I'm surprised he didn't ask you though." He said. Well yeah, he knew how close Ray and Walt had been too - Ray had been the one to put Walt back together during OIF, so he just.. he was surprised.</p><p>"Come on, Brad. Obviously he'd ask you."</p><p>He wasn't entirely sure what Walt was getting at here, but he would admit that he was actually looking forward to the week ahead. He'd never been to the Ozarks, and like he'd already said, he did miss Ray. So yeah, he was glad that he'd asked him instead of Walt. So he just shrugged again, giving him a small smile, " Yeah, well. I'm looking forward to it."</p><p> </p><p>-x-</p><p> </p><p>His flight to Missouri was nothing to write home about, really.</p><p>If he was being honest, he wasn't actually that big a fan of flying. Obviously he'd been certified at jump school, but that was different. He'd spent a lot of time in aeroplanes during their time at jump school, but that had been exhilarating - they'd been going up to jump out of the damn planes. It was a hell of a lot different than sitting in economy class for three hours, looking out the damn window. Thankfully, the woman sitting next to him hadn't been the most friendly, and so he hadn't had to try and make awkward small talk for the entire journey. He was more than happy to sit quietly and play Solitaire on his phone. He'd installed this new app last week with six different versions of Solitaire, so that would hopefully keep him occupied for most of the flight.</p><p>Eventually though, the plane touched down in Kansas City, and he waited until the plane had mostly emptied out before pulling his carry on bag down from the overhead storage. He had to take a moment to reset the time on his watch too, since Missouri was two hours ahead of California. His phone was a little trickier to figure out, he'd gotten a new one not too long ago and the settings for changing the time on it were weird. Whatever, he'd figure it out eventually, it wasn't that important right now.</p><p>Thankfully, he hadn't bothered checking in a larger bag, so he was able to go straight through to the arrivals lounge without having to wait for his bag to come out. That was one thing that really pissed him off about airports; having to stand around for half an hour, waiting to get his bag. Once he reached the arrivals lounge though, he stopped off to the side and pulled his phone out, biting his lip gently as he glanced down at it. He'd told Ray what gate he'd be at, but they hadn't exactly planned any further than that on where exactly to meet.</p><p>He wasn't kept wondering for too long though, because as he was typing out a text message to Ray, his attention was drawn by a sharp whistle and he looked up to the source of the noise. Of course it was Ray, smiling brightly as he held up a sign that Brad was horrified to see read <em>'congratulations on the sex change <strike>Brenda</strike> Brad.' </em></p><p>"Fuck you, you horrible little cretin." He groused as he approached him, although he couldn't keep the smile off his face.</p><p>Thankfully Ray lowered the sign, tucking it between his knees as he dragged Brad down into a hug, "Oh, come on. You know you missed me. I know I'm gonna miss your massive tits, but I'll make do with your new monster cock." He teased with a grin, stepping back out of Brad's reach as he playfully elbowed him.</p><p>He was glad to see Ray actually - obviously he knew that he'd missed him, but it really had been too long since he'd seen him. Ray had grown his hair out a little in the six months since he'd seen him last, but he still kept it short and gelled back. He was dressed in a pair of jeans and a tight fitting blue and grey Henley, that Brad had to admit actually looked really fucking good on him. The Henley was the right size on him, but it was tight enough that it was obvious Ray had kept fit after leaving the Corps, and it - whoa, where had that line of thought even come from? He and Ray had always been close, and they'd joked that they were like an old married couple.. but he'd never thought about Ray in that way. Whatever, he was chalking it up to the fact that it had been months since he'd seen him.</p><p>"How was the flight?" Ray asked as they walked out to the parking lot.</p><p>"It was fine." He shrugged, hoisting his bag up onto his shoulder again as they walked, "I downloaded this new Solitaire app, so I was kept busy."</p><p>"Jesus Christ. That's a little pathetic, you know that, right?"</p><p>"It was that or make small talk with the woman beside me, and she obviously did not want to do that."</p><p>"She hot?" Ray asked, glancing over at him.</p><p>He had to rack his brains for a moment at that, because honestly? He hadn't actually noticed. He was pretty sure she hadn't been unattractive, but she hadn't caught his notice either. Maybe it was just because he hadn't been looking. He didn't exactly do the hook-up thing, and the last time he'd been in a committed relationship, she had left him for his best friend. So somewhere along the line he'd just.. stopped noticing really. Still, he wasn't about to admit that to Ray, so he just shrugged and hummed, "She was alright."</p><p>They walked through the parking lot, before raising his eyebrows at the truck that Ray approached, mainly because it was just not what he was expecting. He wasn't exactly sure what sort of car he'd envisioned Ray having, but the '99 Sahara Jeep Wrangler he'd approached certainly hadn't been it. It was pretty obvious though that he'd had the Humvee in mind when he was buying the car, and that alone sent a pang of.. something, through him.</p><p>"Am I supposed to believe you paid money for this piece of shit?" He asked as he opened the passenger side door to the car after he'd put his bag in the trunk alongside Ray's one, waiting until Ray had dumped the take out bag into the back seat before climbing in.</p><p>"Fuck you, dude. I got attached to the Humvee - and don't even try and say that you didn't too, because I was not the one who cried when it got stuck in a Sobka field."</p><p>Yeah, no, that had been him. Obviously the other guys in Bravo Two had seen that, but he'd threatened Reporter that he'd fly out to Ohio - or wherever he was at the time - and kill him in his sleep if he saw any mention of that incident in the book. Obviously the book hadn't come out yet, so he still hadn't decided on whether he had to kill him or not.</p><p>"Whatever, your car is still ugly as fuck." He groused.</p><p>"Hey, Britney has feelings, and she is a cutthroat bitch. She will not hesitate to break down in the middle of the highway if she hears you talking about her like that."</p><p>At that he just looked at him, doing his best to keep his face blank, "...Britney?" He eventually asked, because of fucking course Ray would be the one to name his car.</p><p>"Yeah? What, am I supposed to just call her 'the car'?"</p><p>"Yes, Ray, like every other person in the entire country does."</p><p>"Fuck you, homes. I regret asking you on this trip already." He said with a grin in Brad's direction as he drove them out of the parking lot.</p><p>This was the kind of easy bickering he was used to with Ray. It brought him back to the midst of their deployment - when they'd all been starving on one meal a day, when the overall morale had been low, when they'd been dragged in all directions and fucked over by Command in every way possible. It had been impossibly tough, and yet Ray had been the one bright spark out there most of the time. He'd brought a smile to his face when smiling had been the last thing he'd felt like doing. So yeah, it was nice that they hadn't lost that with each other.</p><p>It didn't take them long to get onto the highway, and Ray rolled down the window as he drove, draping his left forearm out the window. It was a nice afternoon actually, warm enough without being stiflingly hot - but the breeze coming in the window was still more than welcome, "Oh, dude, I almost forgot." Ray said, before pulling an iPod out of his pocket and tossing it over to Brad. That was right actually, he'd told him on the phone that he was going to make a playlist for the road.</p><p>Bracing himself for the trashy pop music that he knew would inevitably be on there, he was surprised to see that he'd also added the likes of Air Supply, Queen, and Foreigner. Huh. Maybe he wouldn't end up having to resort to throwing the iPod out the window of the speeding car. He had resigned himself to three hours of listening to Avril Lavigne, and so he'd already decided that the iPod needed to go, "I'm pleasantly surprised, Ray." He admitted as he plugged the iPod in, pressing shuffle on the playlist.</p><p>"Don't worry, there's plenty of crap on there too to torture you with." Ray said with a smile, before whistling along to the opening notes of Fortunate Son by Creedence Clearwater Revival.</p><p>"You hungry?" Ray asked after a couple of minutes, glancing over in his direction, "We can stop at a Denny's or something if you want to eat."</p><p>"No, I'm okay. I got a breakfast at the airport." He shrugged, looking down at the map Ray had brought with their route marked out in red Sharpie. He'd never actually been to Missouri before, so he really had no idea when it came to the directions on how to get there. The route looked pretty straightforward though, there was a whole lot of highway before they turned off towards the Ozarks at the very end.</p><p>"Alright. I got snacks anyway, if you change your mind." Ray told him, waving a hand back in the direction of the back seats.</p><p> </p><p>-x-</p><p> </p><p>He was busy deleting e-mails on his phone when Ray started singing, and he glanced over at him with a half smile.</p><p>The younger man was barely paying attention to him, actually. He smiled as he watched him bobbing his head in time to the music, singing quietly under his breath, <i>"Welcome to your life, there's no turning back. Even while we sleep."</i> He sang, glancing down at the map for a moment before turning his attention back to the road.</p><p>He'd missed this actually - Ray howling some song while they drove, nothing but them and the open road. Still, it was pretty different than how it had been last time they had done this. Last time, they'd been in Iraq, wearing shitty MOPP suits, armed to the teeth and driving crappy tin-plated Humvee's. Now it was just the two of them, two hours into a road trip where the destination was a fucking fishing resort. He had to admit that he was enjoying it though, he'd always been comfortable with Ray in a way that he wasn't with anybody else. Not that he liked to admit it, but he was actually pretty terrible at making friends with people outside of the Corps. When he was in uniform, he was a tough confident sonofabitch - that was Sergeant Colbert though, that was the Iceman. As for just Brad? He was actually pretty fucking shy. He knew that Ray knew that though, that he saw straight through his shit. So he just, he was glad to have him around.</p><p>They'd spent the last two hours just catching up - he'd updated Ray on what life was like with H&amp;S Company, and Ray had told him all about what he'd been up to since he'd seen him last. His main job was working at the front desk of a twenty-four hour fitness centre. Obviously that didn't pay all too great though, so he had a gig doing electrician work on the side, which made sense since he'd been the only one that had been able to unfuck their radio systems while they'd been deployed. In his free time, he played music with a couple of his buddies - and he reassured Brad that once they had the cash, they were going to get together in an actual band, and that he'd be fucking famous some day. He hadn't had much to report on the dating front though, aside from the fact that he and Carla had broken up about six weeks ago - although Brad couldn't exactly say he had a lot of news there either. He seemed content though, with how things had worked out since leaving the Corps.</p><p><i>"We will find you acting on your best behaviour."</i> He continued on, grinning back at Ray when the younger man turned his attention to him with a bright smile.</p><p><i>"Turn your back on mother nature. Everybody wants to rule the world."</i> They both sang, and Ray laughed as he slapped the steering wheel afterwards.</p><p>"Goddammit, we've still got it."</p><p>Ray wasn't a bad singer actually, when he wasn't intentionally screeching at the top of his lungs so as to disturb as many people as possible. Obviously he'd turned to wailing a little bit at the end there, but at first when he was just singing quietly under his breath? Brad had to admit that his voice was actually pretty pleasant to listen to. Not that he'd ever tell him that though, because he'd spent half of their time in Iraq telling Ray to shut the fuck up when he started singing - if he spent the other half of the time singing along with him, well then that was just details.</p><p> </p><p>-x-</p><p> </p><p>Shortly after four thirty in the afternoon, Ray eventually pulled into the resort, and he pushed his sunglasses up on top of his head as he drove along until they reached number twelve, "Home sweet home." He chirped as he parked the car.</p><p>They'd gotten a little held up because of roadworks once they'd turned off the highway, and so Brad was glad to finally get out of the car and stretch his legs. Ray's car was pretty big, but he had the seats adjusted for his own height. Even though he'd adjusted the seat as well as he could, he was still 6'4'' and so he'd been a little cramped into the car. Still, they'd reached the resort in the end, and he had to admit that the place actually looked pretty nice.</p><p>There were about twenty cabins at the resort - ten or so lined up on either side of the clearing they were situated in, with half of the cabins right on the edge of the lake, a decking out the back of those cabins leading directly out further onto the lake. The cabins themselves were pretty much what he was expecting, simple one floored log cabins, with roomy wraparound porches. They were cute actually, he could see the appeal, "You been here before?" He asked from where he was pulling their bags out of the trunk of the car, Ray appearing at his side a moment later.</p><p>"Yeah, dude. I used to come here with my mom and sisters when I was like.. twelve. Best damn holidays of my life." He said with a smile.</p><p>He'd gone on a fishing holiday once or twice when he was a kid too, but he'd only ever gone with his dad. He guessed it must have been a pretty different experience for Ray then, since his dad hadn't been around when he was growing up. Still, he knew that he was close with his mom and his two older sisters, so he was pretty sure that that probably would have been enough for him. He remembered him saying that both his sisters were pretty tomboyish anyway, so he assumed he probably spent the holidays fishing with them.</p><p>He followed him up to the cabin once they had gotten their bags and Ray had locked the car, letting the younger man unlock the door to the cabin before he followed him inside. It was a nice place actually, he had to admit. It was a typical holiday cabin - small enough, but cosy looking, with a fireplace set in the middle. He couldn't help but think actually that it was the perfect sort of destination for a romantic weekend away. Not that that was what this was - or, he was pretty sure, what it was supposed to have been with Ray and his friend that was originally going to go with him - but it was the sort of place that he could imagine spending a romantic weekend with a girlfriend, so it was a shame really that Ray and Carla had split up.</p><p>He trailed ahead of Ray to unlock the back door, stepping out onto the decking. The view from here was pretty amazing actually, they were facing onto the lake, with the decking continuing out further onto the lake. There was one of those comfortable porch swings just at the side of the back door, and he definitely had no trouble imagining them spending the evenings sitting out here with a couple of beers. Shit, this was maybe exactly what he needed. Work had been pretty hectic lately, with the promotion to Gunnery Sergeant and the transfer to H&amp;S, so he was pretty sure that he'd appreciate the next week here.</p><p>"Oh, shit." He heard Ray muttering from inside, and he went back inside to see him standing at the kitchenette counter, reading from a sheet of paper that he hadn't noticed on his way in.</p><p>"What's wrong?" He asked, and Ray just handed the sheet of paper over to him.</p><p><em>"Dear guest. We regret to inform you that due to unforeseen circumstances, the second bedroom at this accommodation is currently unavailable for use. Where possible, we can arrange alternative accommodation if necessary. Please call the number below, or send us an e-mail at the following address."</em> The letter read, followed by both a phone number and an e-mail address at the end of the page.</p><p>"Shit, so we only have the one bedroom?" He asked as he put the letter back on the counter, glancing over at Ray.</p><p>"Yeah, I guess so. I'll call them, see can they do anything." He said with a shrug, taking up the letter again as he fished his phone out of his back pocket.</p><p>Deciding he'd give him a minute to call the resort and try to sort something out, he walked through to where the bedrooms were, seeing the same letter taped to the door of one of the rooms. He tried the door anyway, although he really wasn't surprised at the fact that the door was locked. Right, well, hopefully Ray would be able to get something else sorted out on the phone. He ducked into the bathroom to have a quick look around - as well as the bedroom that they were able to use - before going back out to the main room. Apparently Ray's phone call had been straightforward enough, because he was just thanking whoever he was talking to and then hanging up by the time he got back out to him.</p><p>"Well?" He asked, and Ray just sighed and shrugged.</p><p>"Nah, they couldn't put us up anywhere else, the rest of the cabins are all booked up for the week. Apparently there was bad weather here early in the summer, some of the cabins got badly water damaged." He told him, before shrugging again, "You can take the bedroom, dude. I'll sleep on the couch or something."</p><p>He bit his lip gently for a moment as he looked over at Ray, before putting his hands in his pockets, "Well.. we can share? I mean, it's not like we haven't slept in closer quarters than that before, right?" He suggested. Well yeah, they had spent their time in Iraq either sleeping next to each other in the Humvee, or squashed into tiny ranger graves almost next to each other. There was that time too that they had been on watch together, sitting back against the side of the Humvee, and Ray had fallen asleep on his shoulder. He knew that they were both supposed to have been awake and keeping watch, but by that point it had been days since Ray had slept properly, so he'd let him sleep. Still, he knew that they hadn't actually ever shared a proper bed before, so he supposed it was a little bit different. The couch looked pretty uncomfortable to sleep on though, so it was the best compromise he could come up with.</p><p>Ray just looked back at him for a moment, before shrugging again, "Uh, yeah. I mean, if you're sure you don't mind?"</p><p>"No, I don't mind. Do you?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Alright." He said with a nod. Okay then, it was settled. He was pretty sure it wouldn't actually be that big of a deal when it came for them to actually go to sleep. Like he'd said, they'd slept in closer quarters than that before - it was just that they'd never shared an actual bed before. Still, what did it matter? They were close enough anyway, it wasn't like they were half strangers.</p><p>Still, he couldn't deny that the slight feeling of awkwardness had set in now that they had actually agreed to do this. So he just clapped him on the shoulder, giving him a small smile, "Come on, I'm fucking starving."</p><p>"Well that's your fault for not wanting to stop on the way, asshole." Ray said with a smile, grabbing his car keys from the counter again.</p><p> </p><p>-x-</p><p> </p><p>They drove back to the nearest Wendy's to grab a couple of burgers for dinner, which thankfully only took them ten minutes or so to drive to. He usually would have tried to eat a little healthier than the calorie-fest that was Wendy's Diner, but Ray had made a very convincing argument - the point of which was that he was on his holidays, and that he could afford to eat unhealthily every now and again. Basically, what he'd said was that he was built like a Greek God and that it was unfair to the rest of them.</p><p>They probably would have made it back to the cabin early enough, but Ray had pointed out that they should probably drive out a little further and go to a Walmart or Target or something, pick up some shit that they'd need over the next week. So once they had done that - plus gone to the fishing store afterwards, since they'd be spending a good part of this holiday fishing - it was nearly seven thirty in the evening. Since there wouldn't be much daylight left, they figured that maybe they'd leave the fishing for tonight. There was no point really, since he knew they still had to get their shit sorted out for going fishing - plus they hadn't even properly unpacked yet, so he knew that that still had to be done tonight. It'd make more sense to go out early enough tomorrow and start fishing.</p><p>So for tonight, the plan was simply to stay in and watch whatever was on the TV, have a couple of beers while they were at it.</p><p>While he hadn't been surprised at Ray's choice of shitty beer, he'd insisted that - if Ray was going to pick the beer - he got to choose the snacks, which was why they were currently sat at either end of the couch with a bag of Doritos and a box of pretzels between them. Not that he doubted Ray would have picked something similar, but he also didn't trust him in the slightest when it came to things like this - hence why they were drinking some shitty pilsner that he'd never even heard of.</p><p>"So, do you still see much of the guys from Bravo Two?" Ray asked, maybe half an hour into the film that they had turned on. They'd come across the second Indiana Jones film while flicking through the channels, and despite the fact that he'd been pretty sure he'd already seen all three of them, he was starting to think that maybe he hadn't actually seen this one. He'd been totally convinced that all three movies were about Nazi's, and he'd had no recollection of there being a cult in any of them. Anyway.</p><p>"I do, yeah." He shrugged, taking another pull of his bottle before turning his attention back to Ray, "I had lunch with Walt on Thursday, Mike is always around.. I go running with Rudy on Monday evenings." He told him. He was glad that he still saw the guys as much as he had before. He knew it would be different now that he was with an entirely different company, but he didn't want for them to drift apart. Obviously he didn't see the guys who had left the Corps much, like Ray, or Nate who had moved back out East.</p><p>"How are things with you and Rudy actually?" He asked after a moment, "I mean, I know things got a little hairy after Baghdad, but like.. do you two still talk, or?"</p><p>"Oh yeah, dude, we do. Yeah, that whole shitshow was nothing personal really, y'know?" Ray shrugged, looking down at his beer bottle where he was picking the damp label off, "I was crashing from the Ripped Fuel, and I guess I was only starting to come to terms with all the shit we had done over there. So yeah, it wasn't really Rudy that I was angry with, it was just.. a lot, and I had a really shitty time in high school with being bullied, so getting knocked around like that kinda just set me off."</p><p>"You were bullied in high school?" He asked, looking back over at him.</p><p>Shit, he hadn't known that. How hadn't he known that? He supposed it made sense though, now that he thought back on that day on the football field. Ray had stalked off with angry tears in his eyes, after having screamed at Rudy that he was no better than any other piece of shit jock in high school. He hadn't exactly thought much on that comment, he'd been too concerned over whether or not Ray was actually okay.</p><p>"Yep.. Little whisky-tango Ray Person, who had no dad, and lived in a fucking trailer. I was the perfect target, homes. Plus I was on the debate team, so that didn't help my case much."</p><p>He just hummed in response, biting his lip gently as he looked down at his beer bottle. He'd known that Ray had had a tough time of it when he was a kid - since his dad wasn't around, and he knew that he'd lived in a trailer for a couple of years when he was a teenager - but he'd always sort of assumed that it hadn't affected him much. Ray had always been that sort of.. happy-go-lucky idiot that people couldn't help but like, so it had just never occurred to him that he'd have been bullied when he was younger. And just like that, he wanted to track every single person down that had ever picked on Ray, and use his Iceman skills to kill them before they even knew he was there.</p><p>After a moment though, he glanced back over when the younger man reached over with his socked foot and lightly nudged him in the thigh with it. When he looked up at him though, Ray was smiling, "It's all good, homes." He said with that same bright smile, "Nevada's not that big of a town, so I know for a fact that half of the assholes who picked on me are now working shitty dead-end jobs, trying to look after the trashy missus and their six trashy kids. Meanwhile, I am a badass Recon Marine. One of the biggest assholes I had to deal with actually, Scott Winters, he enlisted and tried out for Recon, but he flunked out. So that just means I am awesome, and he sucks." He shrugged, stretching out a little where he'd left his feet over at Brad's end of the couch.</p><p>"Yeah.. you still suck too though." He said with a hint of a smile, earning another kick in the thigh from Ray.</p><p>"Yeah, and you suck too, Big Gay Brad. Now shut the fuck up and let me watch Indiana Jones kicking ass."</p><p>He smiled and rolled his eyes at that, although he just moved the bag of Doritos out of the way so that Ray could leave his legs where they were.</p><p> </p><p>-x-</p><p> </p><p>When he woke up the next morning, he had one arm folded underneath the pillow under his head, and the other was draped around Ray's waist.</p><p>He wasn't exactly sure what time it was, and honestly? He wasn't even really awake. He just knew that it was still pretty dark outside - so he guessed it was probably only about five or six - and that he was warm and comfortable wrapped around Ray like this. Summer was just about over, and so even though the days themselves were still warm enough, the mornings were pretty fucking frosty. Like right now, the bed was warm from their combined body heat, but he could feel the chill setting in around his exposed shoulders and the arm that he had thrown around Ray.</p><p>He couldn't remember the last time actually, that he'd woken up with somebody like this. It must have been back when he was still with Katie, since he made it a rule to never let his one night stands since then bleed over into the next morning. This wasn't like that though, not even a little bit. It wasn't like he and Ray had hooked up last night - not even close. He was just chalking it up to the fact that, like he'd said, he was warm and comfortable and still half asleep. So on that note, since it was just Ray, he was content to press his face back into Ray's shoulder and go back to sleep.</p><p>Like he'd said though, he wasn't totally awake.</p><p> </p><p>-x-</p><p> </p><p>When he woke up again later on, it was because the sun streaming through the slight crack in the curtains was shining right into his face.</p><p>He groaned quietly as he pressed his face into Ray's shoulder again, before he realised just exactly how he was curled up to him with an arm around him. Not that Ray had noticed, hopefully, since he was still asleep. What he'd found out about Ray actually, was that even though he was a bit of a live wire when he was awake, he could sleep like the dead when he put his mind to it. He hadn't seen much of that in Iraq, since he was pretty sure they'd all slept with one eye open back there, but it was obvious in the few times he'd seen Ray sleeping other than that.</p><p>Carefully untangling himself from Ray, he moved back over to his own side of the bed, running his hands over his hair for a moment. Thankfully, Ray didn't seem to have been disturbed, and he snuffled quietly in his sleep as he shifted around for a moment before settling back down.</p><p>He was glad to see him so at ease like this actually. He was pretty sure that he wasn't still relying on uppers like Ripped Fuel like he had been back in Iraq, but he seemed to be constantly filled with this energy that kept him going - and Brad honestly wasn't sure where he got it from. So it was a nice change to see him quiet and relaxed like this. God knows it was a change from when they'd been driving through the desert and Brad had been trying his best to focus on their surroundings and ignore Ray's half crazed rambling about pussy or Saddam. He'd spent half his time back then snapping at Ray to shut the fuck up, even though he knew it wasn't totally his fault. He'd just been so strung out on Ripped Fuel and no sleep that he didn't know how to shut up.</p><p>He'd been a little surprised at the turn that their conversation had taken while they were watching the movie. Because like he'd said; he'd just had no idea before this that Ray had been picked on when he was younger. It made him realise though, that even though they were as close as they were; there were a lot of things that they still didn't know about each other. Obviously he hadn't known that, plus he hadn't known that Ray and his girlfriend had broken up nearly two months ago. Then there were the things that Ray didn't know about him, like the fact that he'd tentatively dated one of his sisters friends for a little while about two years ago, before he'd tucked tail and ran because of the fact that Jacob was a guy. Whatever, that was a story for another time.</p><p>He quietly watched Ray for a moment longer, biting his lip gently as he watched him stirring slightly again. After a minute of this though, he felt a bit like a creep for watching Ray while he slept, so he just turned over onto his other side and pulled the covers up to his chin before attempting to go back to sleep.</p><p> </p><p>-x-</p><p> </p><p>When he woke up again for the third time that morning, the first thing he noticed was that the bed was cold.</p><p>When he turned back to glance over his shoulder at where Ray had been, he wasn't surprised to find the space next to him empty. A quick glance at the clock on the wall told him that it was shortly after ten, and he yawned as he turned over onto his back, rubbing his face for a moment. It had been a long time actually since he'd slept in this late. Even when he was on leave, he was used to still waking up early and spending his mornings out on his bike or out on the surf. He got restless when he was left to his own devices with nothing to do for too long. Still, he could accept the fact that maybe he was a little burned out. He'd been kept pretty fucking busy in work the last couple of weeks, so he supposed it made sense that now he was taking this short holiday with Ray, his body was maybe thanking him for slowing down.</p><p>Speaking of Ray, he was surprised at the fact that he couldn't hear him making some sort of disturbance around the rest of the cabin, wherever he may be. What he'd learned about Ray was that - even when he wasn't loaded up to his eyeballs on stimulants - he was still rarely quiet when he was awake, so this silence was a little unusual.</p><p>He tried not to think of the last time he'd really taken notice of Ray's silence, back when he'd finally run out of Ripped Fuel after they'd reached Baghdad. That had been one hell of a crash, and had ended with Ray's meltdown in the middle of the football field. He'd known that it was coming really, but he still didn't like to think about the fact that he hadn't been able to prevent it. He knew it wasn't his fault, but he just.. he felt a little responsible. Ray was his RTO, plus he was his best friend, and he felt as though he'd failed him a little for not stepping in and making sure that everything was okay. He'd tried, just before they'd actually played the football game, but he knew that it wasn't enough.</p><p>Eventually he dragged himself up and out of bed, before trailing out to the kitchen, where Ray was fucking around with the coffee machine, "Hey." He murmured through a yawn, smiling when Ray turned back to him with a smile of his own.</p><p>"Hey, dude."</p><p>"We haven't even been here for one day yet, please don't tell me you've broken the coffee machine already?" He asked, noticing the screwdriver in Ray's hand.</p><p>"Please, you know I'm a fucking wizard with electronics." Ray told him as he went back to whatever he was doing, and Brad just rolled his eyes because he really couldn't dispute that. He remembered back in Afghanistan - before he and Ray had even known each other - he'd worked on the radios in his Humvee for two hours and still hadn't gotten anywhere with them, before one of the other Sergeants had told him that apparently Lance Corporal Person from Charlie Company was the guy to talk to about them. So he'd eventually managed to track down Ray, and in the space of ten minutes he'd fixed what the problem was. That was why Brad had requested that Ray be transferred over to his Company as his RTO - something he'd never once regretted.</p><p>"And.. voila." Ray chirped, grinning back at Brad again as the coffee machine hummed to life, "I think it was dead before."</p><p>"Yeah, you're a domestic goddess."</p><p>"Shut the fuck up, homes. If it weren't for me, you'd be drinking shitty instant coffee for the week, think about that next time you decide to doubt me."</p><p>He couldn't help but smile as he rolled his eyes, accepting the cup of coffee that Ray passed over to him. He had to admit actually, that the coffee was pretty good, and that he probably would have complained about drinking crappy coffee if Ray hadn't fixed the machine. He was good with technology, but not really in the way that Ray was. He liked computers, whereas Ray's speciality definitely seemed to be radios, and other electronics like that. He was pretty sure that if he was given a screwdriver and half an hour, he wouldn't know what to do with the coffee machine.</p><p>He sat on the arm rest of the couch once he'd gotten his cup of coffee, watching Ray searching through the cupboard for the sugar as he made his own. This was nice actually, it had always been easy with Ray, and it felt.. somewhat domestic actually, to just curl up on the couch while he watched him pottering around the kitchen, "D'you want to go fishing once we're done here?" He asked.</p><p>"Yeah, give me like thirty minutes and I'll be ready to go."</p><p>He leaned over to grab the remote, tossing it over to Ray once he had joined him on the couch, "You sleep alright?" He asked, glancing in his direction for a moment.</p><p>"Yeah, the bed is somehow way more comfortable than the shitty one I have back in my place." Ray said with a smile as he caught the remote.</p><p>He had thought that too actually, that the bed was surprisingly comfortable. He wouldn't go as far as to say it was better than the one he'd had at home - considering he'd spent a good chunk of money on making sure he had a good mattress - but it was pretty damn close. He chose not to mention the fact too that he'd woken up curled around Ray. He hadn't mentioned it either though, so he was hoping that he'd just slept through the whole thing and hadn't actually realised. He knew Ray would tease him about it forever if he'd woken up to being cuddled by Brad in his sleep.</p><p>They watched the TV in relative silence, drinking their coffee as they did - although Brad obviously had to rip into Ray at least a little bit for the trashy reality show that he'd turned on, "Shut the fuck up, it's better than the shit I'm sure you watch." He groused, although he tossed the remote back at Brad. He didn't bother changing the channel though, because he really couldn't have cared what they watched.</p><p>Eventually Ray yawned and stretched his arms above his head, and Brad was pretty sure he couldn't be blamed for the way his eyes were drawn to the strip of skin between his boxers and the hem of his t-shirt that was bared at the action. It was whatever, he wasn't looking, he was just.. whatever.</p><p>"You wanna go?" Ray asked, and he just nodded. It didn't take them long to gather the shit that they had bought from the fishing store yesterday, as well as the fishing rods that Ray had packed with them. After quickly alternating in the bathroom and the bedroom, they were both dressed and ready to go. It didn't take them too long to walk down to the edge of the lake, following the trail that lead off away from the cabins. He was pretty sure that they would have been able to fish off the edge of their decking, considering it lead out onto a deep enough part of the lake, but it was a nice enough morning anyway, so maybe it'd be nice to just hang out on the bank of the lake.</p><p>Eventually they picked a spot, and Ray planted himself down on top of the cooler they'd brought with them, lighting a cigarette as he watched Brad picking through their equipment, "You ever been fishing before?" He asked, exhaling the smoke after a drag.</p><p>"Couple times, I went with my dad a few times when I was younger."</p><p>Ray just hummed, and Brad watched as he flicked the ash from his cigarette, "I was always pretty pissed that my dad wasn't around to do this sort of shit with me, y'know? I mean, I know I had my mom and my sisters, but it wasn't the same."</p><p>"Yeah, I get it." He said with a nod, biting his lip gently as he threaded the hook and the bait on his own fishing rod, "Well, you got me now."</p><p>He knew he'd misstepped almost as soon as he'd opened his mouth, and he wanted to take back every word he'd ever said when he noticed the mischievous grin spreading over Ray's face, "Brad." He started, turning to face him properly with that same shit-eating grin still on his face, "Did you just offer to be my daddy?"</p><p>He hated the way he could feel his face flushing, and the stupid delighted grin that was still on Ray's face. He knew he'd walked himself right into that one though, so he supposed he couldn't complain too much. Still, he supposed they were on the edge of the lake and there was nobody else around - worst case scenario, he could just drown Ray if he didn't agree to drop it, "Shut the fuck up, I mean it."</p><p>"Aw, Bradley, you know you only had to ask." Ray teased with a grin, reaching over to squeeze his forearm. He shook him off with a roll of his eyes, flicking the piece of bait that he'd been trying to thread onto the fishing rod at him. Ray caught the bait though, holding it up to Brad with that same stupid grin, "Hey, homes. D'you dare me to eat this?"</p><p>Brad could only roll his eyes again, willing himself to not have to drown Ray before the end of the day.</p><p> </p><p>-x-</p><p> </p><p>By the time he'd woken up the following morning and had managed to drag himself out of bed, Ray was already up and around again. Not that he was surprised though, he'd learned from their days in Iraq that Ray was an early riser. He'd also learned that the younger man wasn't the type of person who had to be dragged out of the bed, he'd always seemed to be the type of person who was totally awake and alert from the moment he woke up - unlike the likes of say.. Walt, who remained bleary eyed for half an hour after waking up, give or take.</p><p>They had spent most of the day out on the lake yesterday, just chatting and playfully ribbing each other as they fished. Well.. Ray had fished, he'd attempted to. He'd only been fishing a handful of times when he was younger, so he was pretty sure he couldn't have been blamed for how awful at it he'd been. Ray hadn't exactly been the expert either though, he'd only caught four little fish, that he'd pulled out of the water only long enough to see what they were before throwing them back in. At Brad's questioning look at that, he'd simply shrugged and said he didn't like killing them. He'd found that a little odd, considering he was a Marine who'd killed actual people, but it was whatever. So yeah, after he'd managed to convince Ray not to eat the bait that he'd thrown at them, it had actually been a pretty enjoyable day.</p><p>Once he'd tugged a t-shirt on, he trailed out to the kitchen and poured himself a cup from the machine. It was still warm enough, so he guessed that Ray hadn't been up for that long himself. Once he'd done that, he went out to the decking where he assumed Ray would be, and raised a hand in a wave of acknowledgement once he'd caught his attention. The wave was returned, and when he got to the end of the decking where Ray was, the younger man was smiling at him, "Sup homes."</p><p>"Are you ever going to stop getting up at the ass-crack of morning?" He asked, yawning as he leaned forward on the guard rail around the decking. Okay so he knew that it wasn't that early - it was nine-thirty or so - and he didn't think that Ray had even been up for that much longer than him, considering the coffee in the machine had still been mostly warm.</p><p>"Depends, are you ever going to remove the stick from your ass?" Ray asked, although he was grinning as he drank back the last of his own coffee. He just rolled his eyes in response, resting his cup of coffee on the guard rail as he looked out over the lake. It was a nice morning actually, he was pretty sure it would be a nice day for spending out on the lake again - give him a chance to prove to Ray that he wasn't as awful at fishing as he had been yesterday.</p><p>"Hey." Ray started again after a moment, "Do you think I'd get in trouble for swimming in the lake?"</p><p>"Well.. given that this is a fishing resort, I'm pretty sure the lake isn't meant for swimming. That said, I don't see anyone around to tell you off. I am not saving your ass though, if you do get in trouble. You're on your own."</p><p>"Yeah, whatever. Last one in's a Hajji!" He screeched, before climbing over the guard rail and launching himself into the water. Brad honestly couldn't say that he was surprised, even if he had been hoping that Ray would at least act like a civilised human being and go change into swimming gear before walking down to the lake rather than just launching himself over the guard rail. It was Ray though, so he wasn't sure what he'd been expecting from him. He was a little surprised, however, that Ray had just jumped in fully clothed - granted, he was only in cargo shorts and a t-shirt, but still. After a moment, Ray resurfaced from the water, grinning up at Brad as he shook his wet hair from his face.</p><p>"You're a retard, I hope you know that." He called down to him, although he couldn't keep the smile off his face as he looked down over the guard rail to where Ray was treading water below him.</p><p>"And you're a pussy, Colbert. Get in here."</p><p>Taking a moment to consider the idea, he decided 'why the fuck not'. Like he'd said, he didn't exactly see anyone around to tell them they weren't supposed to be swimming in the lake, plus it was a warm enough morning out. So he pulled off his t-shirt, leaving him in just his boxers, before climbing over the guard rail as Ray had done and diving into the water.</p><p>The water was cool enough, for the warmth of the morning that was in it, but he couldn't exactly say that he had any complaints about it. It was pretty refreshing actually. Not that he didn't spend a lot of time in the water anyway, what with living in Oceanside, but that was different. The waves were different than the overall stillness of the lake, plus the ocean was always fucking freezing - despite the fact that he lived in California. Then there was the fact that he usually surfed when he was out on the water back home, which was a good way of tiring himself out. This was more relaxing.</p><p>He looked over at Ray with a smile once he had rubbed the water from his eyes, finding the younger man watching him with a smile of his own, "Look at that, you can actually remove the stick from your ass on command. Hell of a party trick."</p><p>He teased with a grin. "Shut the fuck up." He groused, although he was still smiling, before swimming away in the other direction. He didn't intend to go very far, but he only managed a couple of metres out before he was caught by the ankle and dragged underneath the water.</p><p>By the time he'd resurfaced - spluttering - Ray was laughing at him. Yeah, he was a little asshole, he knew he really should have been expecting an ambush like that, "Don't start, you know I won't hesitate to drown you."</p><p>"You say the sweetest things sometimes, Brad."</p><p>He just hummed in response, halfheartedly splashing in Ray's direction.</p><p>The two of them just treaded water for a couple of minutes, and he realised that they'd been idly circling each other, even though he was pretty sure that that hadn't been their intention. Well, not his anyway, he wasn't sure what Ray's had been. When he turned his attention back on Ray, the younger man was just letting himself float with his eyes closed, his head tipped back far enough to get his hair wet, and his t-shirt plastered to him - at least to his upper chest that was still above the water.</p><p>As he just watched him, he had to admit - objectively speaking, of course - that Ray was very.. well, pretty was the wrong word to use. He wasn't pretty like Nate was, for example. Nate had high cheekbones and delicate features, and he had a certain femininity to his looks. When it came to Ray, however, he could appreciate his dark features and the dimples that carved deep into his cheeks when he smiled. So yeah, 'pretty' was maybe the wrong word to use, but he'd have to be both blind and stupid to not have realised how attractive Ray was.</p><p>Not that he was secretly lusting over Ray or anything, not even close, but he just.. he'd noticed.</p><p>After a couple of minutes of this, where neither of them spoke, Ray eventually righted himself so that he was treading water right across from Brad, rather than letting himself float on his back, "I'm glad we did this, y'know?"</p><p>"Yeah, although I meant what I said; you're on your own if we get in trouble for this."</p><p>"Not jumping in the lake, asshole. I mean.. this whole trip." Ray said with a shrug, biting his lip gently, "We never see each other anymore, and I'd promised myself that I wouldn't fall out of touch with you guys once I was out of the Corps."</p><p>Brad didn't really know what he was supposed to say to that, if he was being honest. He'd told himself the exact same thing once he was transferred to H&amp;S Company, and while he'd made good on that promise and still tried to see the other guys as much as he could, he knew that it was different for Ray. At least he was only in a different company, Ray was halfway across the country from any of them.</p><p>So he just shrugged, looking over at Ray, "It happens, y'know? Even I don't see everyone as much as I'd like, and I'm only in a different company. Nobody blames you for like.. not making the effort, if that's what you're worried about." He told him. Well yeah, they each had their own lives, nobody blamed Poke for moving back to L.A to be with his family, nobody blamed Nate for moving to Boston to go to school, and nobody blamed Ray for going back to Missouri. Like he'd said, these things happened.</p><p>Ray just looked at him for a moment longer, before sighing, "I don't want to not see you anymore."</p><p>He was a little taken aback by that actually, if he was being honest. He'd been under the impression that Ray was talking about Bravo Two as a whole, not that he meant just him. Still, he couldn't deny the fact that he was on the same page. He knew that that's what they'd pretty much been doing already, but he hated the idea of just falling out of touch with Ray until he was nothing more than a guy he used to know.</p><p>"I don't want to not see you either." He said softly.</p><p>It felt a little too much like.. a confession, almost. Of what, he wasn't sure. Because like he'd said, it wasn't as though he'd been hiding any repressed feelings or anything for Ray, but he just.. he couldn't deny that his chest felt a little tight at this entire conversation.</p><p>Ray just smiled at him at that - a tiny little pleased smile that he couldn't help but return. After a moment, Ray ducked his head slightly, biting down on his lower lip, and Brad couldn't help the way his eyes were drawn to the movement, "Ray.." He murmured after a moment, swallowing when Ray looked back up at him.</p><p>Fuck.. maybe there was something there. Something small and tentative, but he couldn't deny the way he felt his stomach curl when Ray looked at him like that. He couldn't deny the way he wanted to.. well, he wasn't sure what exactly he wanted to do, just that he knew he wanted to do something. Running on autopilot, rather than actually thinking about it, he inched slightly closer to Ray, watching how the younger man's Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. Obviously though, that was the moment that his body was racked by a chill, and Ray laughed at him as he shivered.</p><p>"Come on, we should go back inside before the delicate California boy freezes to death."</p><p>"I'll show you delicate, I thought I already threatened to drown you?"</p><p>"Yeah, you're all talk." Ray said with that same small smile, before hauling himself back up onto the decking and climbing over the guard rail. Once he'd gotten up, he leaned back over to reach down to Brad, offering a hand down to help pull him up. Half of him was tempted to pull him back down into the water and try to get that moment back between them, but the other half of him wanted to lock himself in the bedroom for a couple of hours and overthink about whatever the hell that had just been. He did neither of those things though, he just climbed back out onto the decking with Ray's help, before grabbing his t-shirt off the ground. At least he'd had the sense to take his off before getting into the water, unlike Ray who was now totally soaked through.</p><p>"You wanna go out for breakfast?" Ray asked as they walked back into the cabin, shoving his hands into the pockets of his wet shorts.</p><p>He was a little surprised at the sudden change in direction that this had gone, but if he was being honest.. maybe it was for the best. He wasn't really sure what he had been thinking back there in the water. He just knew that he wanted Ray to keep looking at him like he had been back there. Maybe he needed some time to think about it though, because like he'd said, he'd never really thought about Ray in that way before. He'd always been just Ray, just his annoying best friend that he could count on like he could with nobody else. Now though, the thought had been planted that maybe there was something there, something he just hadn't realised before. He wasn't sure if Ray thought the same thing though, or if it was maybe just all in his head.</p><p>He could think about it later though, he'd have to think about it. For now, he just nodded as he followed Ray back into the cabin, shutting the back door behind them, "Yeah, sounds good. Dibs on first shower though." He said, smiling at the lighthearted laugh Ray gave in response.</p><p> </p><p>-x-</p><p> </p><p>After that, things definitely changed.</p><p>He was pretty sure that he'd only actually noticed because it was on his mind, because if he was being honest? Nothing had really changed in that much of a huge, life reaffirming way. It was just.. the little things.</p><p>They grabbed breakfast later on that morning once they had both showered the nasty lake water off themselves, Ray having driven them both out to the nearest diner. If it had been a couple of days before, Brad wouldn't have thought twice about how Ray casually let his ankle rest against his underneath the table, or how he'd noticed Ray's eyes flicking up to him from where he was looking through the menu. It was just the little things like that, where somebody sitting next to them wouldn't have noticed anything out of the ordinary. He wondered though, if he was maybe just overthinking things because of their encounter in the lake earlier, or if there was actually something with substance there. All he knew was that he seemed to be extra in-tune with Ray's little mannerisms and how they applied to him.</p><p>Still, after Ray insisted on paying for both of their breakfasts, he couldn't find it in himself to mind when Ray leaned casually into his side as he looked through his wallet for the right notes up at the counter. Like he said, it was the kind of thing that he wouldn't have noticed before, but now he could only focus on where Ray's side was pressed against his own. If he had to restrain himself from dropping his arm around Ray's shoulders, then that was totally his own business.</p><p>Once they had gotten back to the cabin, they'd spent a little while out fishing in the lake. The weather had been pretty shitty though, and Ray had pointed out more than once that it looked as though it was about to start raining. So after an hour or so out on the lake, they decided to just head back up to the cabin. There hadn't been much on the television though, so he'd just flicked through the newspaper that was on the couch while Ray channel surfed. Ray was picking apart an orange that had been in the fruit bowl, and he couldn't help but smile as he wordlessly passed him a segment now and again. It was the little acts like that - ones that he wouldn't have thought twice about before - that just seemed a little sweeter now that he wondered if there was another motive behind them.</p><p>The biggest change though, he had to admit, came later on that night.</p><p>He wasnt even sure what time it was when he was startled out of his sleep, but it took him a moment to realise that the reason he'd woken was because of the sounds of laboured breathing coming from behind him. Once he was coherent enough to realise what he was hearing, he turned back to Ray with the intention of berating him for jacking one out right there with him asleep beside him - only to find that Ray was still asleep, or he was pretty sure that he was anyway. Okay, he hadn't expected that, he'd expected to turn back to find Ray with his cock in his hand. Where things would have gone from there.. he wasn't entirely sure. He was still coming to terms with the fact that maybe there was something going on between them. Whatever, back to the issue at hand.</p><p>He switched on the lamp on his nightstand, before turning back to Ray with a frown. The younger man was curled in on himself, obvious distress written on his face as he gasped in lungfuls of air, "Ray.." He murmured, biting his lip gently as he shook his shoulder.</p><p>"Hey, wake up. It's okay." He said softly, shaking him again. That was when Ray startled and shot into a sitting position, his eyes wild for a moment as he looked at Brad. Almost immediately after though, he seemed to relax slightly as he realised where he was.. and that was when the tears started.</p><p>He'd seen Ray cry before obviously, on the football field after the altercation with Rudy, but he just.. this was different. He'd sort of known what to do back then, mainly because he'd known that Ray was just overwhelmed from the lack of Ripped Fuel and the realisation of all the shit that they had done in Iraq. It had been easy enough to get him through that, to help him cool down. This was different, because he had no idea what had brought this on. Well, nightmares obviously, but he'd never known Ray to suffer with nightmares.</p><p>"Ray.." He started, before sighing as Ray got up out of the bed and walked through to the main room. After a moment where he just didn't know what he was supposed to do, he got up and followed him out. When he didn't see him immediately, he realised that he was sitting outside, curled up in the swing out on the decking. He sighed as he switched on the kettle, quickly searching through the cupboards until he found teabags and dropping one into a cup. When he was younger, his mother used to make tea for him when he was upset, and he remembered it always doing wonders to calm him down. He did prefer coffee though, and he was pretty sure Ray did too, but the last thing Ray needed right now was more caffeine in his system since a quick glance at the clock told him that it was just after four in the morning.</p><p>When he eventually followed him out to the decking, Ray wasn't crying anymore. His cheeks were blotchy though and he had his knees folded up to his chest, his arms draped loosely around them, "Here." He murmured as he sat next to him, passing one of the mugs over to him, "My mom used to make me tea when I was upset, found it helped a lot."</p><p>"Thanks." Ray shrugged as he took the mug, "You can go back to bed, it's nothing."</p><p>"Yeah, I'm not gonna just leave you out here."</p><p>They lapsed back into silence after that, Brad trying his best not to look as though he was watching Ray, while simultaneously trying to keep an eye on him. He just.. it scared him a little to see Ray so shaken by this. Eventually Ray huffed quietly under his breath, rolling his eyes as he leaned slightly into Brad's side, "I'm fine, dude. It's nothing really, it just.. it happens sometimes."</p><p>"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, looking over at him. The idea of talking about things like this scared him a little, he had to admit. He wasn't good at the whole.. talking thing. He supposed that was another reason for the Iceman nickname, his supposedly ice-cold demeanour. He wasn't like that really, he just tended to freeze up and backtrack when it came to talking about things.</p><p>Thankfully, Ray could see right through him though, and he raised an eyebrow over in his direction, his expression fully conveying that he knew exactly how Brad was about to shit himself at the thought of having a serious conversation about this, "I'm fine, Brad, promise. It just gets to me sometimes, y'know? Thinking about all of the awful shit that we did over there." He said with a shrug, biting his lip gently, "I didn't even realise it for the most part 'cause I was so fucking high on Uppers and no sleep for like, the whole tour. It was only after when I stopped taking all that shit that it kind of hit me."</p><p>"Yeah, I get that."</p><p>"Do you get 'em at all, the nightmares?"</p><p>"Not really. I guess I just.. dealt with it in my own way." He shrugged. He'd had the odd dream here and there about the shepherds that Trombley had shot, or about the unexploded bomb in the garden that Nate had ordered him to abandon. Sometimes Nate stepped on the bomb, sometimes it was Ray, sometimes it was Walt. It varied, but he'd never jolted awake with tears in his eyes because of it. Maybe he was just a little more adjusted, or maybe he was more detached from it all than he liked to think he was. Either way.</p><p>"Well shit, I guess that's why you're the Iceman, homes."</p><p>He wasn't sure why that comment bothered him actually. Like, yeah, he knew that he was the Iceman, but that was a front that he'd always put up. When he was in uniform, when he was Sergeant Colbert, he had to be a tough sonofabitch. That wasn't really him though, he'd lost sleep over the kids that Trombley had shot, he cared deeply for his men, he was a bit of a mama's boy. So he just.. while he didn't have a problem with the rest of the entire Battalion thinking that he was nothing but the Iceman, he just knew that he didn't want Ray thinking that he was a cold, unfeeling bastard.</p><p>"I care." He murmured, biting his lip gently as he picked at a chip on the side of his mug, "I know it seems like I don't, but-"</p><p>"Fuck, Brad, I know that." Ray said, looking over at him, "Do you not think I realise how much you fucking care? You wouldn't have cried and hid under the Humvee for the rest of the day after Trombley shot those kids if you didn't care. You wouldn't have followed me after that fight with Rudy if you didn't care. Hell, you wouldn't be out here right now if you didn't care." He told him, before just shrugging his shoulders, "I know, okay? Don't ever think that I don't."</p><p>He didn't really know what else to say to that, if he was being honest, so he just shot him a small smile. He was glad that Ray understood though, because he could live with everybody else thinking that he was unaffected by all of this, but he just didn't want Ray thinking that of him. He cared a lot actually, about Ray's opinion of him.</p><p>"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked after a moment, glancing back down at him where he was still leaning into his side.</p><p>"Yeah, I'm okay. You can go back to bed."</p><p>"Only if you're coming too, I'm not leaving you out here at ass o'clock in the morning by yourself."</p><p>"Ah, I won't get back to sleep. It's fine, homes, seriously." Ray shrugged. He did look tired though, if the dark circles under his eyes were anything to go by. Besides, he still really didn't like the idea of leaving him out here with nothing but his thoughts.</p><p>"Come on, humour me?" He asked, looking down at him. He couldn't help but smile when Ray sighed and nodded after a moment, taking the empty mug that he handed back to him. He followed him back inside and shut the door behind him, leaving the two mugs in the sink. He could deal with those in the morning once they were actually up for good.</p><p>He followed him back into the bedroom once he'd switched the light back off, finding Ray already curled up on his side of the bed, blinking up at him with tired eyes. He was cute actually, Brad had to admit. Once he'd switched the light off, he felt his way back to the bed before climbing back in to his own side, "Goodnight, Ray."</p><p>"Night." Ray mumbled back.</p><p>He tried his best to get back to sleep, but somehow he was just aware of the fact that Ray was still awake next to him. He wasn't even sure how he could tell, since it wasn't like the younger man was tossing and turning next to him, but he just.. he could tell. So deciding 'fuck it', he reached over to Ray's side of the bed and wrapped his fingers around his wrist, coaxing him over to his side of the bed. Surprisingly, Ray went with it, and he let himself be drawn into Brad's arms. He wasn't exactly sure what he was thinking, as he dropped his arm around Ray's shoulders, his other arm sliding underneath the younger man until he was holding him properly. It was a comfort thing, he supposed, or that was what he was telling himself anyway.</p><p>Ray didn't seem to have any complaints though. His hands were curled close to his chest between them both, but he tucked his head into the crook of Brad's neck as he settled in against him. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest as he gently dragged his fingers through Ray's hair, and he was pretty sure that Ray was probably able to feel it too with the way that he was curled in close to him, but he just hoped that he didn't mention it.</p><p>This was.. nice, though. He had to admit.</p><p>"Will you sleep now?" He asked softly, smiling when Ray simply huffed out a quiet 'mhm', and after a moment he felt Ray tentatively put his arm around his waist.</p><p>So he just kept on running his fingers gently through Ray's hair, and eventually he heard the younger man's breathing evening out as he drifted back off to sleep. He was glad actually, that he was able to relax enough to get back to sleep. He hadn't wanted to go back to sleep before him, because he was pretty sure Ray would have just gone back out to the swing and would be up all morning then. He was surprised that this had worked though, but he couldn't say that he had any complaints with the way they were now curled up with each other. It was nice, it was something that he could get used to.</p><p>With that, he simply pressed his cheek to the top of Ray's head, settling back down against him as he let himself fall back to sleep.</p><p> </p><p>-x-</p><p> </p><p>When he woke up a couple of hours later, he wasn't exactly sure what it was that had woken him up. All he knew was that it was nothing loud or uncomfortable, or anything that seemed to require his immediate attention, so he figured that there was no harm in just shifting over slightly and attempting to go back to sleep.</p><p>By now, he was lying on his stomach facing away from Ray, but judging from the way the bed was still warm and the mattress dipped slightly behind him, he was pretty sure that Ray hadn't gotten up yet. Just as well, because the light was only just starting to come through the curtains, so he assumed it was probably still far too early to be getting up.</p><p>Last night had been.. nice, actually. Obviously not the part where Ray had woken up with tears in his eyes, or the blank look that he'd had on his face when he first followed him out onto the decking. He meant the part when they'd fallen back to sleep wrapped up in each other. He wasn't sure really what that meant today would be like, whether things would just go back to how they had been before, or whether it would be.. different. It was a weird one was all, considering nothing solid had actually happened between them last night that would have changed things. Even if it had come up, he didn't think he would have been able to go through with it last night, since Ray had been so upset. He would have felt a little like he was taking advantage. Not that he thought Ray would be easy to take advantage of - he was short and wiry, but he knew first hand that Ray could be deadly when he wanted to. He wouldn't have been a Recon Marine otherwise. Still, the point still stood, he wanted them to both be on the same page if anything were to happen.</p><p>He was dragged out of his thoughts by the feeling of Ray's fingers on his skin, and he realised then that the reason he'd woken up was because Ray was gently tracing the lines of the tattoo on his lower back with his fingertips.</p><p>It was a nice feeling actually, he was warm and comfortable where he was, and Ray's touch was light enough that he barely even noticed it, "Hm.. tickles." He mumbled into the pillow.</p><p>Ray huffed out a soft breath of laughter, although he continued to gently trace his fingers along his skin, "Shut up and go back to sleep." He told him, laughing softly again as Brad squirmed slightly when he ran his fingers over a particularly tender spot near his right hip. Whatever, he was ticklish - not that he'd ever actually admit that to Ray though, because he was pretty sure that he'd regret that for the rest of his life.</p><p>"Yeah, I can do that."</p><p>"Well do it already, it's too early."</p><p>He just hummed in response, folding his arms under his head underneath the pillow as he settled back down to sleep again. Just before he dropped back off, he vaguely registered Ray gently stroking his fingers through the hair at the back of his head.</p><p> </p><p>-x-</p><p> </p><p>"Ray, I'm gonna go to the store, do you want anything?" He called, from where he was attempting to retrieve his flip-flops from underneath the couch. How they'd gotten there, he had absolutely no idea.</p><p>"Which store?" Ray called back from the bathroom.</p><p>"The convenience store down the way, probably." He shrugged, sliding his feet into the flip-flops once he had gotten them out. There was a Walmart further down the way, but he really couldn't have been bothered driving the twenty minutes when all he wanted to get was coffee for the machine and some beers.</p><p>This morning had been.. pretty normal actually. He wasn't exactly sure what he'd been expecting, but he just knew he was relieved that Ray hadn't backtracked on everything that had happened last night and earlier this morning. He barely remembered earlier on when he'd woken up to the feeling of Ray gently tracing his tattoo, considering he'd still been half asleep, but he certainly remembered falling asleep with Ray in his arms last night. It was nice, it really had been, he just.. he hadn't been sure what to expect from this morning after it. When he'd properly woken up though, Ray had already been up. After bracing himself for whatever mood he might have found the younger man in, he eventually got out of bed and followed him out to the main room, finding Ray sat in front of the TV with a cup of coffee and a bright smile, "Hey, homes." He'd chirped, "There's coffee there, if you want it."</p><p>He was just glad that Ray's morose mood from last night hadn't followed him in to this morning, because he hated seeing the younger man so down like that.</p><p>Ray was a whisky-tango idiot, but - as much as he bitched about it - it did put him a little at ease when he'd go off on one of his diatribes about some topic that Brad couldn't have cared less about. Not so much when he'd been jacked up to his eyeballs on Ripped Fuel and didn't know how to shut the fuck up, he'd wanted to kill him back then, but when it was just one of his regular ramblings. It was when he was quiet and docile that he started to worry, a bit like last night.</p><p>Still, things seemed to have relatively gone back to normal between them. There didn't seem to be any dancing around any issue, or avoiding it on the other hand. He'd sat in front of the television with a cup of coffee while Ray fluttered around the kitchen, doing god knows what, and it had just felt like a normal day between them. Well, maybe not entirely normal, once Ray had finished doing whatever he was doing in the kitchen, he'd dropped a hand to Brad's shoulder on his way to the bathroom, his fingers pressing gently into the hollow between his neck and his shoulder for a moment. It was that tentative feeling again, like there was the understanding that maybe there could be something there. He'd already established that he was too chickenshit to say.. follow Ray to the bathroom and press him back against the door, but it was a nice thought anyway.</p><p>"Will you get me cigarettes?" Ray asked around the toothbrush in his mouth, sticking his head out of the bathroom, "I'm all out."</p><p>"Sure, any kind?"</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"Menthols?"</p><p>"Fuck no, dude."</p><p>He huffed out a laugh as Ray ducked back into the bathroom, before grabbing the keys from the table where Ray had left them last. He knew that the convenience store wasn't actually that far away - it would probably only take him five minutes or so to drive there - but he couldn't have been bothered walking, especially since he was planning on getting some beers. It'd be easier to just dump them in the back seat and drive back.</p><p>He yawned as he walked out to Ray's truck once he'd found his wallet and shoved it into his pocket. After a quick disparaging look in the direction of the truck before he climbed into it - he refused to refer to it as a 'she', despite the amount of times that Ray had insisted it was a 'she' and that her name was Britney - he started the engine. He couldn't resist rolling his eyes though, when the radio automatically turned on once the engine had turned over and started playing the J.Lo song Ray had obviously last been listening to. He was pretty sure that that was always going to be a topic of argument between them - the fact that Ray gave him so much shit for his love of eighties music and then in the same sentence would insist that Avril Lavigne and the rest of his trashy pop music idols were musical geniuses.</p><p>Once he'd switched the radio channel over to something he deemed a little more acceptable, he got going. Like he knew it would, it only took him less than ten minutes to actually get to the convenience store. He wouldn't be too long really, he wouldn't be surprised if Ray was still in the shower by the time he got back.</p><p>He flashed a smile to the woman who was sitting behind the register as he grabbed a basket, before heading for the back of the store where the refrigerators were. He didn't spend too long trying to decide what beer to get, because Ray had already proven that he'd drink the crappiest of the crappy beers. Even with that in mind though, he did spend a couple of minutes looking at their selection. The beer that he ended up choosing, it was definitely just because he'd heard that it was nice - not because he was pretty sure he'd seen Ray drink it before. Definitely not. After that, he did a quick lap around the store just to see was there anything that they might have needed back at the cabin - he grabbed some coffee for the machine, as well as milk and some toaster waffles that they could have for breakfast tomorrow morning. He also grabbed a packet of gummy worms and a sharing bag of skittles, mainly just because he knew that Ray was fond of them. Whatever, he didn't think that there was anything wrong with buying something for Ray just for the sake of it.</p><p>Once he was sure that he had everything that they needed, he went up to the till to pay for the stuff, "And a pack of uh.. Marlboro gold." He shrugged, handing over the cash. He was pretty sure that they'd be alright. He didn't smoke, so he wasn't too clued in to the different brands of cigarettes. He was pretty sure he'd seen Ray smoking that brand before though.</p><p>"Nice weather out there today." The cashier said with a smile as she rang up his stuff.</p><p>He glanced back at her from where he was looking out the window, "Yeah, not bad."</p><p>"You staying up by the lake?" She asked while she bagged his shopping, and he just nodded, putting his hands in his pockets.</p><p>"Yeah, just up for the week. It's a nice little spot."</p><p>"It's cute, yeah." She said as she tucked her hair behind her ear. She was pretty actually, tall and slender with shoulder length blonde hair. Still, not that he was the type anyway to shoot his shot with any random cashier that he came across, but he just.. he found his interest didn't actually go beyond just noticing that she was pretty, "There's a special on bottles of hard liquor, by the way. A third off the selling price." She told him.</p><p>Well, he wouldn't have bothered usually. Not that he didn't enjoy the odd hard drink here and there, but occasions like this especially didn't call for much more than beer. Then again, he supposed all they had done the last couple of nights was have a couple of beers in front of the television, maybe it'd be fun to spend the night getting properly drunk. So he shrugged, fishing his wallet out of his pocket again, "Why not, I suppose. Give me a bottle of tequila, so." He said with a smile as he handed over the cash.</p><p>"Oh, you're fun.." The cashier trailed off, and he realised that she was waiting on his name.</p><p>"Brad."</p><p>"Brad. I'm Tanya." She said with a smile as she handed the bottle over to him once she had put it into the bag, "You staying up here with friends, Brad?" She asked.</p><p>He was just about to tell her yeah, that he was staying up here with a buddy for the week, when he suddenly copped onto the fact that she was hitting on him. Like he'd said before, he'd noticed the fact that she was pretty, and she was friendly. She was the type of girl that, in any other situation, he could see himself being into. But he just.. there was Ray. Maybe it was a little stupid to base his argument on that, since nothing had even happened between himself and Ray. He was pretty sure he could go along with this, and Ray would congratulate him for getting some. But he just.. he didn't want that. Like he said, he knew that it was maybe a little pathetic, but he'd rather just go back and spend the rest of the day with Ray.</p><p>"I'm here with my boyfriend, figured we could use the holiday." He told her, with what he hoped was a convincing smile. He wasn't sure why that had been the first thing to come into his mind to say, but hoped that she wouldn't see straight through his shit and see that he was panicking slightly at what he'd just said. Ray was.. definitely not his boyfriend, not even close, but for some reason that had been the first thing he'd thought to say when he'd realised that he was being hit on. He just hoped that it wouldn't come back to bite him in the ass.</p><p>He noticed the way her eyes flicked momentarily down to the dog-tags that he still wore around his neck out of habit, but thankfully she didn't comment on it. DADT was still a pretty big issue, so he got that she was probably a little confused by his nonchalant attitude.</p><p>"Right." She said with a nod, before seemingly shaking it off, "Well enjoy the rest of your trip." She told him as she handed over the bag.</p><p>"Thanks." He said with a small smile of his own, putting his wallet back into his pocket before leaving the store. Once he'd gotten back to the safety of the truck and had left the bag and the bottle on the passenger seat, he allowed himself a moment to cringe at himself. What was he thinking, telling her that he was up here with his boyfriend? Knowing his luck, it'd come back to bite him in the ass and he and Ray would come across her when they were out for breakfast or something. Whatever, he just hoped that it wouldn't come to that. He'd just have to keep it in mind that he couldn't go with Ray if he was going down to this convenience store again.</p><p>When he let himself into the cabin once he'd gotten back, he was surprised to find that not only was Ray out of the shower, but that he had apparently been busy in the kitchen, "Something smells good." He remarked as he left the bag and the bottle on the kitchen table, going to inspect whatever it was that was in the oven.</p><p>Ray emerged from the bedroom a moment later, a smile on his face as he moved to stand against the kitchen counter, "Yeah, I made lunch." He shrugged. After a moment he moved to the table to rummage through the bag that Brad had left there.</p><p>"Got you some shit, and your cigarettes should be in there somewhere." He told him as he opened the oven slightly to have a look at whatever was in there. He was surprised to see that it was a quiche, mainly because he was nearly one hundred percent sure that there hadn't been a quiche in the fridge, and also because having a general knowledge of cooking was just something he hadn't expected from Ray, "Did you make this from scratch?"</p><p>"Yeah, dude. It's easy." Ray replied around a mouthful of gummy worms.</p><p>"Huh."</p><p>He had to say that he was surprised actually. Aside from grilled cheese sandwiches and the likes of that, the only memories he had of Ray cooking were from back in Iraq, when he'd insisted that he could make MRE cookies from all the shit he'd saved up from his other MRE's. He hadn't actually gotten around to making them though, which Brad couldn't say he was too disappointed about.</p><p>"Oh, dude. We partying tonight?" Ray asked, and when he looked back over at him, he was examining the bottle of tequila with a grin.</p><p>"They were having a special in the store, so I figured why not." He shrugged, leaning back against the counter with his arms folded once he'd turned back to Ray, "The cashier hit on me."</p><p>He was surprised actually, to see the quick flash of surprise pass over Ray's face, followed by an expression that he couldn't quite make out. It was blank, but like.. deliberately so. Like he was doing his best to school his features into something natural so that Brad wouldn't be able to tell what he was thinking, "Oh yeah?" He asked after a moment, his attention turned back to the bottle of tequila, "That what this is for? You got a hot date tonight, Colbert?"</p><p>"No, I uh.. I turned her down." He said with a shrug of his own. He wasn't sure why he was even telling Ray this, "Well, I didn't turn her down, exactly. Since she never actually asked me out or anything, but I uh.. I sort of turned her down, I guess."</p><p>When he turned his attention back to Ray, it was to find him watching him with a hint of a grin on his lips, "Shit, when did the Iceman lose his touch with the ladies?"</p><p>"I haven't lost my touch, I just said that she was hitting on me and I turned her down."</p><p>"Yeah, before she even propositioned you! Christ, when did you become such a blushing maiden? I mean, you do look like a bit of a whore with your ankles out like that, so I can't really blame her for trying. But shit, you pussied out before she even got anywhere."</p><p>"Shut the fuck up, Ray." He groused, although he was having a hard time keeping the smile off his own face. Ray had always had that idiotic way of putting a smile on his face, of making him feel at ease, "I didn't pussy out. I could've gone through with it, I just wasn't interested." He shrugged. Well yeah, it wasn't that he'd pussied out of anything, he just genuinely hadn't been interested in the girl. Ray's involvement in that had been purely coincidental.</p><p>Ray just looked at him, biting his lip gently, "Yeah? How come?" He asked, putting his hands in his pockets, "There someone else?"</p><p>Okay, that was.. the conversation had taken a turn here that he couldn't exactly say he was expecting. If he was being honest, he wasn't sure why he'd even brought it up at all, he wasn't sure what he was trying to achieve by telling Ray that the cashier had been flirting with him in the first place, but he just.. this wasn't what he was expecting, "There could be." He admitted, biting his own lip as he looked over at him. Well.. yeah. This was maybe the closest that they had come to admitting this, whatever it was, between them.</p><p>Ray just looked at him for a moment longer, flashing him a quick smile before ducking his head slightly, "Brad-"</p><p>He was cut off by the sound of the kitchen timer going off, and they both looked in the direction of where he'd left it on the counter. He wasn't sure whether to be relieved or disappointed by the interruption, but he just couldn't help but wonder what exactly Ray had been going to say before they were interrupted, "Lunch is ready, you hungry?" Ray asked, biting his lip gently.</p><p>"Yeah, starving actually." He admitted.</p><p>Ray just smiled, nodding over at the kitchen table for him to sit down, before he went back to the oven. Maybe they could finish this conversation later, or.. it hadn't exactly been a conversation, but whatever the hell it was. Now that Ray had mentioned it though, he could admit that he was actually starving.</p><p>So he just cleared off the table, shoving everything except the bottle of tequila back in the paper bag that he'd brought the shopping home in. They could drink the tequila later, so he was pretty sure there was no point in actually putting that away. Once he'd done that, he sat at the table, smiling when Ray joined him with the two plates.</p><p>He was maybe a little dubious, just because he wasn't entirely sure if Ray could actually cook or not. Like he'd said, the only knowledge he actually had of Ray's cooking were those godawful concoctions he'd come up with during their deployment, that consisted of different parts of MRE's that he'd saved up. He'd never actually had to eat one of those, but he'd been there when Walt had agreed to try Ray's chocolate-chilli brownie - in which he'd substituted in jalapeno, because he couldn't get his hands on any chillies. So yeah, he'd never exactly tried Ray's cooking, but he'd seen the regret on Walt's face after he had, so.</p><p>"Quiche a-la-Ray." The younger man announced with a grin, and so he figured it was better to just dive headfirst in.</p><p>He was.. very surprised, actually. Not only did Ray seem to technically know how to cook, but it turned out he was actually pretty damn good at it too. Since he was as hungry as he was, plus the fact that Ray surprisingly knew how to make a damn good quiche, he'd inhaled about half of it before turning his attention back to Ray, to find him watching him with a smug look on his face, "You like?" He asked.</p><p>"How the fuck did you learn how to cook like this?"</p><p>Ray just shrugged, giving him a small smile, "I did a couple classes, when we got back from Iraq." He explained with a shrug, "I was out of the Corps and I hadn't found a proper job yet, so I enrolled in a couple of those classes to keep myself busy, figured it was a good skill to have. They taught us how to make all sorts of shit."</p><p>"Huh." He hummed. He was surprised was all, he hadn't expected cooking to be something that Ray turned out to be so good at, "You ever look at maybe going back to school for it? Like, for real, rather than just a hobby."</p><p>Ray just shrugged, giving him a small smile, "I thought about it, but like.. I'm good with how things are for the moment, y'know?"</p><p>He could see it though, Ray doing something like this as an actual job. He certainly had the energy for a high-powered job like working in a kitchen, plus it seemed like he had the talent for it too. He was a little surprised at the things he was finding out about Ray on this trip though - he'd thought that they'd known each other pretty well before this, but he kept finding out little pieces of information about him that he hadn't known before.</p><p>"Well, I gotta say, I'm pleasantly surprised."</p><p>Ray just grinned at him, rolling his eyes, "Please, you don't think I'd poison my Bradley-bear, do you?" He asked with a grin, "You wanna go down to the lake once we're done here?"</p><p>"Yeah, sure."</p><p> </p><p>-x-</p><p> </p><p>He was well on the way to drunk by the time that Ray gently hit him in the shoulder with the back of his hand.</p><p>Well.. maybe that was a bit of a lie, he was definitely already drunk rather than just being on the way to drunk. Still, he knew Ray was too, so it wasn't like he felt too bad about it. They were sitting out on the swing out on the decking, and it was warm enough that he was still wearing his cargo shorts from today, but he'd zipped a hoodie up over his t-shirt since he knew it'd probably get colder now that it had started getting dark. He had a glass of tequila in his hand, and a bottle of beer on the decking by his feet. They'd gotten maybe three or four beers in each before Ray had decided that they should make a start on the tequila, and they were almost halfway through that by now too. So yeah, he could say that he was a little more than pleasantly buzzed.</p><p>"Hm?" He asked, looking over in Ray's direction. He had to smile actually, at the sight of him - he had a flush high on his cheeks from the alcohol, a lazy smile on his lips, and his hair was mussed from running his fingers through it.</p><p>"Homes, do you wanna get married?" He asked him. After a moment of silence where Brad just looked at him with a slightly perplexed expression, he just laughed and rolled his eyes, "I'm not fucking proposing to you, Jesus Christ. I just mean, like.. ever?" He asked.</p><p>So he just shrugged, shoving his free hand into the pocket of his hoodie, "I don't know. I guess.. I used to want that, but I don't know anymore." He shrugged. Well yeah, he'd been engaged before a couple of years ago, and he knew that Ray knew about that. He'd been so in love with Katie, he always had been, and so obviously he hadn't hesitated in asking her to marry him. It wasn't one of those things though where he'd proposed just to get her off his back about it, he'd genuinely wanted to marry her and spend the rest of his life with her. Looking back on it now though, he could see that they had grown apart once he had joined the Corps, even though he hadn't seen it at the time. It didn't make it sting any less though, when she had told him that she was leaving him, or when he found out that she had actually left him for his best friend.</p><p>Still, that was old history now. It had left a lasting mark on him though, in the fact that he hadn't actually had a serious relationship since that. Falling in love meant giving somebody else the power to hurt you, and he'd told himself for so long that he wasn't letting that happen to him again. "What about you?" He asked after a moment, looking back in Ray's direction.</p><p>"Yeah.. yeah, I think I'd like to, some day."</p><p>"You'd make a good husband." He shrugged, swallowing back the rest of what was in his glass. Well yeah, he could see it. Ray was fiercely loyal, and he was supportive, and he had a way of brightening spirits that he'd only ever seen in Ray. So yeah, he was pretty sure that he'd make a good husband to somebody some day. Still, he knew that Ray had definitely liked Carla, but he hadn't ever thought that they were going to get married any time soon before they'd broken up. Not like Walt and his girlfriend, who he was pretty sure that he was going to end up marrying and having six kids with. Maybe she just hadn't been the right person for him. Hell, maybe he was just talking a little bit out of his ass, but he'd had a lot to drink already, so he was blaming it on that.</p><p>Ray just looked at him, a small smile on his face, before he leaned over to retrieve the bottle of tequila from where it was sat at their feet, "Alright, enough of this sappy conversation before I start thinking you're proposing to me." He said with a smile, leaning over to refill Brad's glass before refilling his own, "Let's play 'never have I ever'."</p><p>"What are we, sixteen?"</p><p>"Come on, Bradley, it'll be fun!"</p><p>He was pretty sure that he'd never played 'never have I ever' even when he was sixteen, but he found that he couldn't bring himself to refuse when Ray was looking at him with that bright smile. So he just nodded, rolling his eyes, "Fine, alright, you go first."</p><p>Doing his best to ignore Ray's fist-pump, he simply turned slightly in the swing to face him while Ray attempted to come up with something, "Alright, never have I ever let a girl fuck me with a toy."</p><p>"Nope." He shrugged, holding his glass in his lap where he'd had it. Well yeah, he wouldn't exactly say that his experience in the bedroom was one hundred percent vanilla, but that wasn't really something that had ever come up with any of his previous partners. He wasn't sure if it was something that he'd be in to even, but since it had never come up, he hadn't exactly given it much thought.</p><p>"Uh.. never have I ever had a threesome."</p><p>He wasn't sure whether he was surprised or not at the fact that Ray raised his glass at that and swallowed back a mouthful. Not that he'd assumed Ray either had or hadn't though, "It's not as fun as it sounds, homes. A lot of work, a lot of trying to figure out where to put limbs." He said with a grin, although he offered no further explanation on his experience with threesomes.</p><p>"Never have I ever had sex outdoors. And I mean properly outdoors, not in a tent or some shit like that, I've done that." Ray continued after a moment.</p><p>So he just shrugged and drank back a mouthful of his own drink, "Katie and I fucked on the hood of my car before." He explained with a shrug. They'd been taking a road trip and the car had broken down on some stretch of road that was basically deserted. When he'd called the tow company, they'd informed him that it'd be close to an hour before they got somebody out to tow the car, so they'd just passed the time a little.</p><p>"Brad Colbert, you dirty dog." Ray teased with a grin, playfully kicking him.</p><p>"Never have I ever.. been tied up during sex."</p><p>"Do handcuffs count?"</p><p>"Uh.. yeah, I guess."</p><p>"Well then." Ray shrugged, drinking back another mouthful before wincing slightly as the alcohol caught him badly in the back of the throat, "Again, not as fun as it looks. Maybe it's more fun with fluffy handcuffs, but the real ones just cut the shit out of your wrists."</p><p>After another couple of rounds, they ended up on what he was pretty sure was a similar score - although he couldn't exactly say that he was keeping count, and he was pretty sure that Ray hadn't been either. He was surprised at some of the things that Ray had owned up to actually, while they played. Other things then, he'd been surprised to hear that he hadn't done. While they were on that topic though, he wasn't sure how this game tended to revolve around sex and literally no other subject. He supposed it wasn't as fun though, if they were just asking about more mundane topics. It made for better entertainment this way.</p><p>Still, he was starting to realise that maybe he was a little more drunk than he had originally realised - or maybe it was just that they were about three quarters of the way through the bottle of tequila by now. Either way, he was feeling pretty smashed.</p><p>"Uh.. never have I ever.. sucked a cock." He said with a shrug, rubbing his face. That was a bit of a cop-out turn though, mainly because he just hadn't been able to think of anything else to say. He was pretty sure the tequila was starting to rot his brain away a little. To his surprise though, Ray quickly swallowed back another mouthful of his own drink, although he seemed to be avoiding Brad's eye as he did. That was.. not what he'd expected, "What?" He asked, looking over at him. Hand on his heart, he genuinely hadn't expected that one.</p><p>"What d'you want me to say?" Ray asked, shrugging his shoulders as he looked over at him. He looked like he'd gone on the defensive though, and Brad wasn't totally sure that he liked that, "Yeah, I've sucked cock before. I'm not gay though, I'm still into girls and pussy.. there's just been a guy here and there." He said with a shrug, shoving his hands into his pockets again, before continuing to avoid his eye.</p><p>Okay, so Ray was apparently bisexual - although he was pretty sure that he'd probably have kicked him again if he was to actually ask him that. Either way, there at least been the occasional guy that he'd been willing to hook up with. Not that he was one hundred percent surprised at it in theory really, considering their few.. almost encounters the last couple of days while they were here. He was just surprised at the fact that it wasn't all in theory, that he actually had slept with guys before rather than just saying that he would. For a moment, he wondered why Ray had never told him, why he was only finding out about it like this, but he supposed the fact that they were both Marines probably had a lot to do with it, and that 'don't tell' was one half of the policy, even if they were friends.</p><p>"It's okay." He murmured, glancing down at own glass, which was probably going to need a refill soon, "I mean, it's cool. It's not like I've got a problem with it or anything."</p><p>Ray just looked at him for a moment, seemingly trying to decide how the fuck he was supposed to react to that, before just giving him a small smile, "It's not a big thing. I mean.. it's not like I'm gonna start wearing Rudy's daisy dukes, and move to San Francisco to dance on the gay parade float. I just-"</p><p>"Hey, you don't have to explain yourself to me." He shrugged, biting his lip gently as he glanced up at him. Well yeah, it didn't have to be a huge revelation. Like he'd said, he wasn't surprised at the fact that Ray was in to guys, just that he'd actually done something about it before now. Besides, it would have been a little hypocritical of him to have had a problem with it, considering he and Ray had been dancing around this thing between them for the last couple of days.</p><p>Ray just smiled at him again, before reaching over to refill his glass again, "Never have I ever kissed a guy."</p><p>Brad just looked at him then, and he couldn't stop the frown from crossing his face at Ray's words, "You've.. hold on, you've sucked cock before, but you've never kissed a guy?"</p><p>"Fuck yeah I've kissed a guy, dude. I'm just trying to find out if you have or not."</p><p>"Oh."</p><p>With that, he drank from his own glass, biting his lip gently as he looked back at Ray afterwards. Well yeah, if they were being honest here, he figured there was no point in pretending that he hadn't. Besides, what Ray had just admitted to was a hell of a lot more than simply just kissing a guy, "Yeah?" Ray asked after a moment, a small smile playing on the edge of his lips.</p><p>"Yeah. I uh.. you remember Mark Nixon, from third platoon?"</p><p>"..You didn't."</p><p>"No, I didn't. I mean, remember his paddle party about two years ago? The guy I brought to that?"</p><p>"Oh yeah, kinda. Megan's buddy that was crashing at your place?"</p><p>"Yeah, him. I uh.. he was staying with me because we were kind of.. seeing each other, at the time."</p><p>Ray just looked at him then, his eyebrows raised towards his hairline. He suppose he couldn't really blame him for being surprised though. It had never actually gotten that far with Jacob though - they'd only been seeing each other for a month or so before he'd turned tail, and they'd never fucked or anything. He did still feel pretty shitty about that though, because he had liked Jacob, but he just.. he'd felt like he was constantly on edge for fear of somebody finding out. The Corps meant everything to him, and he hadn't been willing to put that at risk. Even just sleeping with Jacob, he'd always worried that somebody would just be able to tell if he let it go that far, so he'd never actually let it progress to that point.</p><p>"Hold on." He said after a moment, shifting a little so that he was sitting more upright rather than leaning back against the armrest of the swing, "You mean to tell me, that not only have you actually kissed a guy before, but that you actually had a boyfriend?" He asked.</p><p>"It wasn't that serious. It didn't even last that long, it was more of a fling than anything else really."</p><p>"What happened?"</p><p>"I got scared and I bailed." He admitted with a shrug, toying with the drawstring on his hoodie. He couldn't say that he was a huge fan of talking about this, mainly just because he hadn't actually ever talked about it with anybody. He knew that he could with Ray though, that he wouldn't think any less of him for it, "I just.. I got paranoid that somebody would find out and that I'd be kicked out of the Corps. He was a good guy though, he didn't deserve to just be dropped like that."</p><p>"Well.. why don't you call him? I mean, it seems like you're still cut up about what happened, maybe he'd be happy to hear from you?" Ray suggested with a shrug of his own. He couldn't help but notice though that he seemed to have withdrawn from the conversation a little. That wasn't exactly what he'd wanted from this conversation, he didn't want Ray walking away from this thinking that he still had feelings for Jacob. He felt bad about how things had ended between them, but it was old history. It wasn't as though he was pining, wanting to rekindle things between them.</p><p>"It's not like that anymore, I don't-" He murmured, trying his best to figure out how the hell he was supposed to articulate this, before just sighing and shrugging. He didn't exactly know what he was supposed to say really. He didn't want to call Jacob and maybe start something with him again because.. what? He was hoping that whatever he'd been feeling for Ray these last couple of days was mutual? He was pretty sure that it was, but he couldn't bring himself to actually say so, in case there was the slight chance that maybe it wasn't, that maybe he'd read this whole thing wrong. So he just hoped that Ray knew what he was trying to say when he ducked his head slightly to catch his eye.</p><p>Ray just smiled slightly at him, a soft lift to the corners of his lips, "Y'know.. I always thought that if this actually happened - that if you did swing that way, and ended up with a guy - that it'd be Nate."</p><p>He was very surprised at that actually. He and Nate.. it had never been like that. Still, he supposed he understood how Ray could have thought otherwise. He and Nate had been close throughout OIF, and while Ray had been the bright spark that had kept him going during that clusterfuck, Nate had been the reason he'd wanted to do the best for the men that he could. Nate had been almost naive in the way that he'd wanted to do right and make the world a better place, and Brad happily would have dismantled the entire Marine Corps and rebuilt it to Nate's standards if he could. Still, they were friends, and nothing beyond that.</p><p>"I- no, it was never like that between us."</p><p>"No?"</p><p>"No, it was never him."</p><p>"Brad.." Ray said softly, and it struck Brad a little how open and honest his expression was as he looked over at him.</p><p>Because of that, he really didn't think he could be blamed for how he put down his glass and leaned over to Ray, swallowing thickly as he paused only a couple of inches away from him, "Is this.. I mean, ar-" He was cut off by Ray cupping his face in between his hands, pressing their lips together in a soft kiss.</p><p>He was pretty sure he'd willingly shoot himself in the face if he ever started thinking sappy shit like.. how kissing Ray felt like coming home, or some shit like that. But he had to admit that it felt familiar, that it was comfortable in a way that he couldn't quite put his finger on. He did have to say though, that it was something he could get used to doing.</p><p>They pulled apart after a moment, and Ray huffed out a soft breath of laughter against his mouth, "Shit, you have no idea how long I've wanted to do that for." He said with a grin, and then they were kissing again. There was nothing soft or tentative about this kiss though, there was a hunger in it that Brad could feel curling low in his stomach, and he hummed against Ray's mouth as he brought his own hand up to fit it around the sharp curve of Ray's jaw. The kiss turned dirty after a couple of moments, and he opened his mouth to Ray's tongue, meeting it with his own.</p><p>"Goddamn it, you don't even know what you do to me." He murmured against Ray's mouth, feeling him smile into the kiss.</p><p>"I can think of a couple of things I'd like to do to you." Ray teased, and his smile was playful.</p><p>At that, he could only groan, leaning in to press another hard kiss to his lips, although he let it linger for a little longer than he was planning to. He did make himself pull back after a moment though, "Well get the fuck inside then, I refuse to put on a show for the neighbours."</p><p>Ray just gave a brief delighted laugh at that, and in the next moment he stood up, snagging the almost empty bottle of tequila off the ground as he walked back to the door, "Well? You staying out here, or are you gonna let me make good on my promise?" He asked with a grin as he let himself back in to the cabin.</p><p>Brad couldn't help but laugh softly at that, although he did get up to follow Ray back inside. This was.. a new development, he had to admit. He was pretty sure that it had a lot to do with the amount he'd had to drink that he was as confident as he was going in to this. It wasn't as though he didn't want Ray though, because he definitely did, but he just.. this was a whole new territory for him. Ray had already admitted that he'd slept with guys before, that he had experience in this particular area. He was just a little out of his depth was all. Still, he wasn't about to let that put him off, because like he'd said, he did want Ray.</p><p>By the time he'd followed him inside, Ray was perched on the back of the couch, the bottle of tequila in his hand and a flirty smile on his lips, "See something you like, Iceman?" He asked with a grin, raising the bottle to his mouth to take a pull from it.</p><p>Instead of answering, he simply grinned and rolled his eyes as he approached him, leaning a hand on the back of the couch either side of Ray, "I see an annoying little Whisky-Tango hick." He murmured, although there was a hint of a grin on his lips as he leaned in to brush his mouth against Ray's.</p><p>"Uh-huh." Ray teased with a grin, before wrapping his arms around his neck and pulling him in to kiss him properly, letting Brad fit himself between his legs as he did. He let his hands find their way to Ray's waist as they kissed, bunching the fabric of his t-shirt in his fists for a moment before leaning back enough that he could pull it up. Thankfully Ray didnt have any arguments, and he raised his arms to allow Brad to pull the t-shirt off over his head.</p><p>"Fuck." He murmured, dropping his hands back to Ray's waist.</p><p>Ray just grinned at him, quickly leaning in to nip gently at his lower lip, "Are you gonna strip too, or are you just gonna look at me all night?" He asked with a grin, reaching up to pull down the zipper of his hoodie.</p><p>So he just shrugged out of the hoodie before pulling his t-shirt off afterwards. He didn't miss the hungry look on Ray's face as he did, and he grinned down at him as he let his hand find the back of Ray's knee, pulling his leg up around his hips, "You reckon the couch will hold up, or should we relocate?"</p><p>"Fuck, get your ass into the bedroom now." Ray told him, pressing another filthy kiss to his lips before making to get down off the back of the couch. Instead of letting him though, Brad just drew his other leg around him too, before pulling him up onto his hips. It was a bit of a struggle - not because Ray was heavy, he was actually lighter than he looked - but because his coordination was pretty shot to hell right now with all the alcohol in his system. He eventually managed it though, and Ray kept his legs wrapped tight around his waist, "Are you honestly trying to make me come in my pants right now?" He asked as Brad walked them through to the bedroom, the bottle of tequila still held loosely in his hand - Brad could feel the cool glass resting between his shoulderblades, "'Cause its definitely working."</p><p>He laughed as Brad stumbled slightly on his way through to the bedroom, clinging on to him with his arms around his neck, "Drop me and I'll make you regret it forever, Colbert." He teased with a grin, and Brad just laughed, leaning up to kiss him again as he managed to get the bedroom door kicked shut behind them. He was glad that it could still be like this, that things hadn't suddenly turned serious or awkward or anything like that between them. It was a comfort to know that they could still laugh at each other while also being on the way in to the bedroom to fuck. Obviously he wanted this with Ray, but he was still his best friend first, and he didn't want this changing anything about that.</p><p>He put him down once they got to the bedroom, although he didnt waste any time in pressing him back against the door and catching his lips in another kiss. He let his hands wander as they kissed, and he couldn't help but grin at the way Ray moaned into his mouth when he squeezed at his ass. Ray didn't let it go on too long though, and Brad found himself walked backwards until the backs of his knees hit the bed. Ray followed him down, and Brad couldn't help but notice just how fucking attractive he was as he straddled his hips, a dirty grin in place as he looked down at him, "I believe you said something about stripping?" He said, letting his fingers trace over Ray's sharp hipbones as he looked up at him.</p><p>"I'm not putting on a striptease, asshole. Get naked." Ray told him, his fingers already pulling Brad's belt loose before starting on the button and zipper of his actual shorts. Between the two of them, they quickly fumbled to lose both pairs of shorts, and fuck.. then Ray was straddling his hips again, although now there was nothing between them. With a filthy grin, Ray reached over for the bottle of tequila again. This time however, instead of just taking a drink from the bottle, he leaned down to pour what was probably a shots worth of liquor into the slight dip between Brad's pecs, the alcohol running down the side of his ribs. Ray quickly leaned down to lap up the alcohol, a dirty grin on his face as he dragged his tongue up Brad's chest.</p><p>If that wasn't enough to ensure that he was hard as a fucking rock, then the sharp bite Ray delivered to his collarbone afterwards definitely got him there.</p><p>Without thinking too hard about it, he rolled them over so that Ray was underneath him, grinning when the younger man just draped his arms around his neck, "What d'you want?" He asked, letting his fingers drag through the buzzed short hair at the back of Brad's head.</p><p>He recognised that for what it was - an out if he wanted it. Or at least the decision to go as far or as fast as he wanted them to. He was grateful for it actually, considering Ray was the one with the experience here. Not that he didn't want everything with him, but he was glad that he was at least letting him control the pace. So he just took a moment to look as Ray as he thought about it, letting his fingers gently follow the pattern of his tattoos. They stood out dark against his flushed skin, and fuck.. how had he seen Ray shirtless all those times in Iraq and not thought before now that he was the most beautiful fucking thing that he'd ever seen? Aside from the tattoos though, Ray was still lean and toned, ropes of wiry muscle still under the skin even though he was going on six months out of the Corps. His cock was hard and curved up against his stomach, and Brad bit his lip gently as he wrapped his fingers around it, taking note of the hitch in Ray's breath as he did.</p><p>"Can I blow you?" He asked, glancing up at him. Well yeah, he knew that he'd never even done that much before, but he just.. he wanted to try it. He and Ray were already naked and tangled up together, there was no point in trying to pretend to either of them that he wasn't totally on board here. Besides, he trusted Ray, and that meant a whole lot here. Not that he'd admit it, but he was pretty nervous about this whole thing, just because of how out of his depth he was. He was pretty sure that whatever air of confidence he may have had here simply came from how much he'd had to drink. He knew though, that if he lost his nerve halfway through, that Ray would understand.</p><p>Ray just groaned, shifting a little where he was pressed against him, "Fuck, you can do whatever the hell you want." He said, combing his fingers through Brad's hair again, "Like.. literally anything. Even if its something really fucking weird or kinky, I'm on board. Fuck, I could probably come in about five seconds just from you jerking me off, 'cause you have no idea how much I am into your massive fucking hands."</p><p>"Ray.. Ray. Shut up." He told him with a smile, silencing him properly with a quick kiss before setting his mind back to what he was doing. He dragged his mouth from Ray's mouth down to his neck, slowly starting to move his hand where the fingers were still curled around Ray's cock. He knew it was too dry though, and so he stopped for a moment just to lick a wet stripe up his palm before going back to it. Ray just moaned softly as he scraped his teeth over the tendon in his neck, his fingers still lightly pressing through his hair, over his shoulders.</p><p>He slowly inched his way down, pausing for a moment to drag his tongue over Ray's left nipple and inwardly delighting at the whine his action drew from the younger man. He'd file that away for future reference - not that he was assuming there would be a next time, but he could hope, at least. After a moment of his attention focused on Ray's sharp hipbone and the noises he made when he used his teeth, he was suddenly faced with the reality of what he was about to do, "Hey." Ray murmured when he paused, smoothing his hand gently over his hair - and he had a moment of indignation when he realised that he was petting him. He was a hardass Gunnery Sergeant, not a kitten that needed to be petted, even if the sound he made when Ray gently scratched his nails over his scalp was suspiciously close to a purr. "You don't have to, if you changed your mind."</p><p>"No, I want to." He murmured, earning another small smile from Ray which he returned with one of his own. He turned his attention back to the task at hand after a moment, biting his lip gently before leaning down and dragging his tongue up the length of Ray's cock in a wet stripe. Without thinking too hard about it, he closed his mouth around Ray's cock, slowly bobbing his head down inch by inch, until he'd taken in all that he thought he could manage. Baby steps, it wasn't like he was used to doing this, so he didn't want to end up choking himself.</p><p>It was.. he wasn't sure really if it was what he was expecting or not. Ray's cock was hard in his mouth, the taste a little tangy at the head where he was leaking pre-come. Other than that though, it just tasted like skin. He was surprised to find that he wasn't as overwhelmed as he'd thought he'd be though - he'd half expected to lose his nerve and go back on his offer. He found that he didn't want to stop though, simply because of the noises that he was wrenching from Ray as he continued on, his hand wrapped around what he could fit into his mouth. Ray's hand was still resting in his hair, not quite pulling, but just.. there. It was a welcome gesture, as he let Ray gently push his head down. He was glad though that he wasn't trying to rush too quickly into it, that he seemed to be just guiding Brad in his movements - whether to go further down, or pull back, or to just bob his head, "Aw, fuck.. Brad, you're such a sight like that, you have no idea." He gritted out, and when Brad glanced up at him from under his eyelashes, the flush was high on his cheeks and his mouth was open on a silent moan. He was glad actually that he seemed to be doing an okay job of it, because he'd been a little worried that he'd be terrible at this, and that he'd have to slink off somewhere after leaving Ray unsatisfied.</p><p>He dragged his mouth slowly off his cock, sucking hard at the head for a moment before sinking back down as far as he could, hollowing his cheeks as he did. If he was being honest, the noises that Ray was making - the whines low in his throat, the sharp moans, the harsh panting - it was more than encouraging. It was nothing that he hadn't heard before in Iraq, trying his best to sleep while Ray indulged in a combat jack not six feet away away from him, but the circumstances were a hell of a lot different this time around. He was surprised though, at the fact that Ray wasn't being his usual motor mouth. He'd half expected to have to tune out his incessant rambling and word vomit for the entire time that they were in bed together, and yet he was oddly quiet. Not that he was totally silent though - like he'd said, he was still moaning his encouragement, but aside from that and the quiet cursing under his breath, that was it really.</p><p>After what felt like a couple of minutes - or really, it could have been longer or shorter than that, considering he wasn't exactly watching the clock - Ray sunk his fingers into his hair again, although he pulled on it this time to get his attention, "Fuck, Brad, you can stop, I'm gonna come." He told him, the fingers of his other hand twisted in the sheets.</p><p>Even though Ray had said that he could stop if he wanted to, he found that he really didn't want to. He wanted to keep taking him apart with his mouth, dragging those noises from him and watching how he pressed his head back into the pillow. The expression on his face could have been one of agony, had the situation been different, but Brad couldn't help but moan too at the fact that he knew Ray was just close to the edge. It seemed the feeling of Brad moaning around his cock was enough to get Ray there, and he gasped as he came, his fingers twisting into Brad's hair again. He tried his best to swallow, but he couldn't help but pull back after a moment, coughing as he did. Whatever, he'd tried. He hummed as he pressed a soft kiss to Ray's stomach, before dragging his tongue over some of the come that had landed there.</p><p>After a moment, he felt Ray's hands on his shoulders, and he let him coax him back up to him, "Fuck, you were so good at that." He murmured, pressing their lips together in a kiss that quickly turned filthy and full of tongue. He moaned into his mouth, combing his fingers through Ray's hair as he kissed him.</p><p>"God, I want.. can I fuck you?" He asked as he dragged his mouth down over the curve of Ray's jaw, grinding down against Ray's hip as he did. His own pleasure had somewhat been put on the back-burner while he was busy sucking Ray off, but now it was back with that same urgency as before. He couldn't help his grin when Ray actually whimpered at his words, his fingers pressing in hard again to the meat of his shoulders where they were resting, "Yeah, fuck, do it."</p><p>He leaned down to kiss him again, resting his hand over Ray's throat as they kissed - not quite squeezing, but just putting enough pressure on that he could feel his pulse quickening underneath his fingers. It was then though, that he realised he hadn't exactly packed with this in mind, "Shit, I don't have anything with me." He told him. They could get by on blowjobs and handjobs, but - drunk as they both were - he refused to fuck Ray dry. He wasn't bragging, but he knew his cock was on the larger side, and he didn't want to end up hurting him.</p><p>"I don't have any condoms, but there's lube in my bag." Ray told him, "I'm clean though, so if you are too then I'm totally fine with you fucking me without one."</p><p>He just looked at him for a moment after that, biting his lip gently. It wasn't that he had a problem doing this without a condom - as a Marine, regular health check ups were part of the deal, so he knew he was clean. And Ray had said that he was, so he trusted him not to lie to him about something like this. It was just.. "Why the fuck do you have lube packed?" He asked, a teasing grin spreading over his face, "What, were you expecting this to happen?"</p><p>"No, asshole, I was expecting to have my own room where I could jerk off in peace." He said with a grin of his own, accompanied by a lewd jerking off motion right in front of Brad's face. It seemed he was regaining back some of his energy now that he'd had a second to cool off after his orgasm.</p><p>He simply huffed out a soft breath of laughter, tangling his fingers through Ray's to stop him making jerk off motions right in his face, before pinning his hand to the mattress beside his head, their fingers still tangled together, "Where's the lube?" He asked.</p><p>"Back pocket of my bag."</p><p>He glanced back at the corner of the room where Ray's bag had been haphazardly dropped when they'd first gotten here, before quickly pulling himself up off the bed so that he could rummage through the pockets. It didn't take him long to locate the small tube of lube, and when he turned back to Ray it was to find him lazily stroking his cock, coaxing himself back to hardness with his other arm folded behind his head, "Y'know." Ray started conversationally, "You look like a naked model or some shit like that."</p><p>He barked out a laugh at that, even though he'd long since learned to stop being surprised by anything that came out of Ray's mouth, "You should do a naked calendar." Ray continued, even as he climbed back onto the bed with the lube in hand, "You could do like, a Marine themed sexy calendar. With photos of you tastefully hiding your junk behind your kevlar, or draped over the hood of the Humvee. It'd make a fortune, dude. People would pay good money for that." He insisted, while Brad busied himself with dragging his mouth over the line of Ray's neck again.</p><p>"Ray, stop. Shut up." He said with a grin against Ray's neck, clicking the bottle of lube open before he sucked a mark into the skin just underneath the curve of Ray's jaw.</p><p>"Yeah, shutting the fuck up."</p><p>He grinned against the tendon of Ray's neck, pressing another wet kiss to the skin there before leaning back a little so that he could get his bearings. With a hand on the back of Ray's knee, he pulled his leg up to give him a little more room to work with, and thankfully Ray got the hint and shifted a little, planting his feet on the mattress. He just took a moment to look down at him, feeling his own heart pounding in his chest as he did. He wasn't sure why the nerves had kicked up again - when he'd already had Ray's cock in his mouth, when he was so turned on he felt like he couldn't see straight, when he most definitely wanted this. "Hey." Ray murmured, and then he was cupping Brad's face between his hands, tipping his face up to look at him, "I can just like.. jerk you off or something, if you don't wanna do this."</p><p>"No, I do. Fuck.. I do, I just-"</p><p>"I get it, homes."</p><p>"I'm drunk, give me a minute." He told him, rubbing a hand over his face again.</p><p>Ray just laughed softly at him again, before pulling him down into another kiss. He went with it easily, letting himself be distracted by the feeling of Ray's tongue in his mouth as he coated his fingers in lube. Once he felt he'd done a sufficient job, he reached down, rubbing his fingers over Ray's hole before pressing one in up to the knuckle. Ray huffed out softly against his mouth as he did, and he hesitated for a moment to let him get used to the intrusion before starting to gently move it in and out, "Okay?" He asked, biting down gently on Ray's lower lip.</p><p>"Yeah, Brad. Fuck.. come on, this isn't my first rodeo."</p><p>He couldn't help but laugh softly at that, and when he leaned back slightly to watch Ray again, it was to find him with a grin on his own lips. He knew that Ray wasn't a virgin, in any sense of the word here. If anything, he was the virgin - if they were going to be thinking about it like that. Still, as much as he wanted to take his time here, he didn't want Ray to think he was treating him like he was made of glass. So he didn't rush through it, but he worked quickly enough as he worked his way up to three fingers, mouthing his way across Ray's collarbone until he had the younger man writhing underneath him, "Goddamn it, Brad, I'm ready. God, your fucking fingers." He gasped, his head pressed back into the pillow.</p><p>He just nodded, dragging his tongue over the salty skin of Ray's collarbone again before leaning back up on his elbows. They shared a quick smile then, before he pushed gently at Ray's knees, who took the hint and hitched his legs up around Brad's hips as he quickly lubed up his cock, his breath hitching a little at the feeling. He paused for a moment just to look down at him, before frowning when Ray rolled his eyes and flicked him on the shoulder, "Jesus Christ.. what the fuck are you just looking at me for? Come on, Iceman, get to it." He groused, although he somehow managed to flip them over so that he was straddling Brad's hips, a sly grin on his face as he looked down at him.</p><p>Maybe it was just because he was drunk, but Brad's mind was still taking a moment to catch up with how Ray had managed to flip them. He sometimes forgot that Ray could be lethal, that he hadn't made it as a Recon Marine purely on his ability to unfuck the radios like nobody else could - still, it caught him off guard now and again. Ray settled into his lap a little, before looking up with a somewhat soft expression on his face, "You good, homes?"</p><p>Brad just dropped his hands to Ray's hips, biting his lip as he looked up at him, "Yeah, good."</p><p>Ray smiled down at him for a moment, before kicking back into action. He reached back to steady Brad's cock, before beginning to sink down onto it. He couldn't help but notice how the smile slipped from Ray's face as he did, replaced by a slightly pinched looking expression. He probably wouldn't have noticed it in any other situation, but right now he couldn't see anything other than the tightness of his mouth and the narrowing of his eyes, "Okay?" He asked, reaching up to touch his cheek. Honestly? He wanted nothing more than to just keep his hands on Ray's hips and pull him down onto him - Ray was tight and hot around his cock, and he was trying not to lose his mind - but this was more important right now.</p><p>"Yeah, I just.. your cock is fucking huge, homes."</p><p>"Am I hurting you?"</p><p>"A little, yeah." He admitted, before swallowing as he continued to sink down on him, "Just give me a second to get used to it."</p><p>He just left his hands on Ray's hips as he continued to work himself down onto Brad's cock, letting him control the pace that he took it at. He supposed it was probably better that they did it in this position actually, since it gave Ray the power to go as slow as he needed to, or to take only as much as he could handle. Eventually he bottomed out, and he took a shaky breath as he braced his hands on Brad's chest, "Holy shit, you feel so good, you've got no idea." He murmured, and Brad couldn't help the way his own breath hitched when Ray dug his nails in slightly.</p><p>The urgency had simmered a little occasionally - when he was focusing on Ray's pleasure, or when he was trying to make sure that he wasn't hurting him - but now it felt like it had kicked back up to a hundred now that he actually had his cock in Ray, "I need to warn you, this probably isn't going to last very long." He gritted out, and Ray just grinned down at him. Well, no, he felt like he was going to blow his load the minute Ray started moving, so he just hoped he could at least manage to avoid embarrassing himself by doing that.</p><p>Eventually, Ray slowly started to move, bracing himself with his hands still on Brad's chest as he began to rock his hips, "Shit, I would've propositioned you years ago if I knew it'd be this good." He ground out. It didn't take him long to find a rhythm that he was comfortable with, and soon enough he was gasping out a steady stream of moans and profanities. Honestly? If Brad had known too just how well he and Ray worked together in this situation, he might have propositioned him years ago too. Well.. probably not actually, considering he'd been Ray's sergeant up until six months ago. Aside from the fact that he technically shouldn't be doing this at all because of DADT, he knew that doing it with one of his men under his direct command would be a sure fire way of getting himself in trouble. Still, that wasn't a cause for concern right now.</p><p>As fantastic of a job Ray was doing on top of him, he just found that he couldn't quite get the right leverage from where he was. So now that he was confident Ray had gotten used to the stretch, he used his weight to tip Ray to the side and roll them over until he had the younger man pressed into the mattress underneath him. Ray didn't need any encouragement to wrap his legs around his hips, and he pressed his head back into the pillow and moaned as Brad began thrusting his hips.</p><p>He braced himself with his forearms either side of Ray's head, feeling Ray's arms coming up around him in return, "Fuck, Ray, you have no idea how good you feel." He breathed, dragging a wet kiss across the taut line of his neck. Well yeah, this might not have been the first time Ray had done this, but he was still tight and hot around him, and he felt like the breath was being punched out of him with every thrust he gave.</p><p>Ray just whined in response, his nails biting into the skin of his shoulders when he shifted a little to change the angle of his thrusts, "Fuck, right there, Brad." He gasped, arching up against him. He wrapped an arm around Ray's hips to hold him against him like that, revelling in the sound of Ray's harsh panting as he tried to keep at that same angle, in order to keep hitting that spot inside him.</p><p>He knew that he'd warned Ray that this probably wasn't going to last too long, and it seemed he was about to make good on his promise, since he could feel the heat starting to build in his abdomen. Surprisingly though, Ray seemed to be just as close to the edge as he was, and he whined as he clenched his knees tight around Brad's hips, "Shit.. fuck, c'mon, Brad." He gasped, a hand tight in Brad's hair.</p><p>It only took him a couple more sloppy thrusts and the feeling of Ray's teeth in his shoulder before he was coming, gasping against Ray's neck as his rhythm stuttered. God, maybe it was just because of how drunk he was, but he felt as though he was seeing stars as he came, the lack of a condom between them making it messier than it usually would have. He stayed as he was for a moment, trying his best to keep his weight on his elbows rather than just collapsing on top of Ray, before reaching down to wrap his fingers around Ray's cock, "Come on, I want you to come for me." He breathed, letting his mouth drag over the tendon in Ray's neck as he jerked his cock.</p><p>Thankfully, Ray wasn't too far behind him, and he arched his back with a harsh moan as he came over Brad's fingers.</p><p>For a couple of moments they just laid together like that, Brad panting against Ray's neck. Eventually, he gathered himself enough to pull out, and he rolled over to his own side of the bed with a groan, dropping his forearm over his eyes, "Shit, homes." He heard Ray say, and when he turned his attention back to him, it was to find him watching him with a grin, "That cock should be considered a WMD."</p><p>He couldn't help but laugh at that, reaching over to gently smack the back of his hand against Ray's shoulder. Ray just caught his hand though, tangling their fingers together for a moment before he sat up, "I'll be back in a minute, dude." He told him, before dragging himself up and out of the bed. He watched him go, before yawning as he rubbed his face again. Fuck.. he hadn't actually imagined that he and Ray would be so fucking good together in bed, he just knew that he certainly wouldn't mind doing that again.</p><p>By the time Ray came back, he'd pulled the sheets up over himself and was starting to dose off. He stirred again though when Ray slid into the bed next to him, giving him a small smile, "Hey." He murmured, smiling when Ray pressed a soft kiss to the bridge of his nose.</p><p>Ray just curled in close to him, coaxing Brad over and smiling when he tucked his face in against his neck, "Go to sleep, dude." He told him, combing his fingers gently through his hair. He hummed as he pressed a kiss to Ray's collarbone, feeling the younger man settle his arms around his shoulders.</p><p>So he just did what he was told, draping his arm over Ray's waist and settling against him, before letting himself drop off to sleep.</p><p> </p><p>-x-</p><p> </p><p>When he woke up the following morning, the first thought that crossed Brad's mind was that they really should have closed the fucking curtains before they'd gone to sleep last night. For some reason, the light always seemed to shine directly through the window and into his face - it had woken him up more than once already, so he was pretty sure that he should've learned his lesson by now. Still, he'd been drunk last night, so that was his excuse.</p><p>On the subject of being drunk though, the light shining through the window really wasn't helping with the soul crushing hangover he was currently nursing right now.</p><p>His second thought though, was that despite feeling like he was on the brink of death, he couldn't help but notice how nice it was to wake up wrapped around Ray like he was. He was spooned up against Ray from behind, an arm draped around his waist and his fingers tangled with Ray's where they rested together at his hip. He yawned as he settled in against him, pressing his face into his bare shoulder. This wasn't exactly the first time that he'd woken up like this since they'd gotten here, but they certainly hadn't been naked last time. They hadn't hooked up the night before either.</p><p>Last night had been, well.. fuck.</p><p>That was about all he had to say, really. The sex had been awesome, even though they'd both been drunk out of their minds - it was an experience he certainly wouldn't mind repeating. He wasn't exactly sure where they were going to go from here on out, hopefully it involved a lot more sex though. Sober, preferably. He wasn't sure though why the panic hadn't started to kick in yet. Even though he and Jacob had only casually dated, he'd felt like he was on edge the whole time, waiting for something to come out that would get him kicked out of the Corps. So he'd been half expecting that same feeling of dread now that he and Ray had actually fucked. Like he'd said though, it hadn't arisen just yet. Maybe it was because it was Ray, because last night had just.. felt right. Either way, that line of thought was a little too much right now, considering the hangover.</p><p>Speaking of the hangover though, it was a long time since he'd woken up feeling this shitty. The last hangover he'd had, he'd just downed a glass of water, taken two Alka Seltzer and then went for a run to try and sweat it out. Now though, he felt as though he was going to throw up if he so much as breathed too much.</p><p>Ordinarily, he would have just settled down and gone back to sleep, but the room was stiflingly hot and it was starting to get under his skin a little. So as much as he wanted to just stay curled up here with Ray, maybe kiss him awake in a couple of minutes, he really needed to get some fresh air.</p><p>So after pressing a kiss to Ray's shoulderblade, he quietly untangled himself from Ray, watching how he stirred slightly in his sleep, before grabbing his boxers that had been discarded over the edge of the bed last night. Once he'd pulled them on, he navigated his way out to the kitchen to grab a glass of water, quickly downing it despite the way his stomach protested. Fresh air was still his main priority though, so he grabbed the hoodie he'd been wearing last night that had been left hanging over the back of the couch, pulling it on before letting himself out onto the decking. A quick glance on the way out to the kitchen though told him that it was just past half eight. Their beer bottles from last night were still there, as well as the mostly empty glasses of tequila, but he did his best to ignore them - he was pretty sure trying to clean them up right now wasn't the best idea, since his stomach was already turning at the thought of the tequila.</p><p>So he just curled up on the swing, groaning as he pillowed his head on the cushion that Ray had been sitting back against last night. He'd go back inside in a couple of minutes, he just needed a few minutes to air himself out.</p><p>Ten minutes. He'd go back inside in ten minutes, he told himself as he shut his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>-x-</p><p> </p><p>He was startled awake by the sound of a mug clinking against the glass-topped table that was beside the swing.</p><p>After a second to get his bearings, he blinked up at Ray to find him smiling sheepishly at him, "Hey, dude." He murmured, folding his arms. He looked as though he'd already showered, his hair was damp and he was dressed in a fresh set of clothes - unlike Brad, who had just pulled on the same hoodie and boxers he'd been wearing last night before Ray had stripped him out of them. Whatever, he'd get up in a couple of minutes and shower. He did feel a little better than he had when he'd first woken up though, the hangover was still there, but he was pretty sure that he'd be okay after a shower and a couple of painkillers down the hatch. He didn't feel quite as terrible as he had when he'd first woken up this morning.</p><p>He hummed as he dragged himself into a sitting position, rubbing his face, "Time is it?" He asked, glancing up at Ray.</p><p>"Like, ten to ten." Ray shrugged, putting his hands in the pockets of his shorts. Alright, so he'd only been out here for a little over an hour. Longer than he was planning to be, he'd planned to join Ray back in bed before he'd even woken up, and yet he'd apparently had time to get up and shower. "I made coffee." Ray murmured after a moment, halfheartedly gesturing towards the cup of coffee he'd left on the table.</p><p>He smiled slightly as he reached over to take the cup, glancing up at Ray for a moment as he drank a mouthful of it, "How the fuck are you not hungover?" He asked, once he had put the mug down.</p><p>Ray just shrugged, his hands still in his pockets, "I don't know. I got good metabolism, I guess.. I don't really get hangovers."</p><p>The silence that followed afterwards was somewhat awkward actually, and he hated the fact that he could almost feel the tension in the air. It would've been fine if it was a sexual sort of tension, but this was just.. awkward. He wasn't exactly sure what he was supposed to say to him either, but he just.. he wasn't sure he liked the way Ray was fidgeting where he stood, or the way he wouldn't exactly meet his eyes.</p><p>"Hey." He murmured, biting his lip gently, "Are y-"</p><p>"Look, dude. If you wanna cut the trip short, that's totally fine. I mean, it's only another couple of days we'd be losing anyway so it's not a big deal." He was honestly a little taken aback by that. He'd thought.. he was pretty sure that they'd been on the same page last night. Sure, they'd been drunk, but he was pretty sure that Ray had wanted it just as much as he had. He never would have pushed for anything if he'd thought that Ray wasn't into it. Still, thinking back on last night, Ray had seemed just as enthusiastic about the whole situation, he'd never once felt like he was pushing for something that Ray didn't want.</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>It must have just been because of the alcohol, that he'd only gone along with the whole thing because of how drunk he was. It didn't explain the last couple of days though, the feeling that there'd been something between them. He'd thought last night had just been that coming to a head, but apparently he'd misread the entire situation, and now Ray was regretting what had happened. Like he'd said; fuck.</p><p>He just shrugged, biting his lip gently, "I mean, we don't have to. It's only like two more days, right? We can get more fishing in." He suggested with a shrug. Really, he just.. he didn't want to cut this short. It had been too long since he'd seen Ray, and these last few days had only cemented how much he'd actually missed him. He didn't want to put an end to this trip early just because they'd made a stupid drunken mistake.</p><p>He plastered on a smile when Ray just looked at him, running a hand through his hair, "Look, we can just.. forget last night happened, right?" He suggested, "We were drunk, and y'know, shit happens." He said with what he hoped was a convincing smile, although he couldn't help the way his eyes dropped to the angry looking hickey that he'd left just under the curve of Ray's jaw last night.</p><p>Shit happens.</p><p>Fuck, he really didn't want to look back on last night as 'shit happens', or to think about it as just some drunken mistaken that they had made. He'd thought that last night had maybe been the beginning of something, that they could see where things could go from here. He loved Ray, he was his best friend, he was honestly the person that he could probably say he was closest to. He wouldn't say that he was in love with him, exactly - considering he'd only come to terms with having feelings for him at all in the last couple of days - but there were definitely feelings there. It was something that maybe could have become love if given the chance. Still, it seemed that that wasn't what Ray wanted, so he supposed that he'd have to just forget about it.</p><p>Ray just looked at him for a moment longer, before nodding and shrugging, "Yeah, I guess- yeah, we should do that."</p><p>He just smiled at him, trying his best to ignore the prickling feeling behind his eyes. Fuck, he wasn't going to cry over this. This was exactly the sort of time that he should be doing his best Iceman impression - to come across as stoic and unaffected by the whole thing. Not like he wanted to curl into a ball and cry at the way Ray was still holding himself awkwardly around him. He was blaming it on the hangover, he was feeling a little vulnerable as it was anyway without this on top of it.</p><p>Ray eventually nodded again, rapping his knuckles gently on the table top, "Alright, well uh.. I'm gonna go for a run, I might grab something in the store for breakfast on the way back. I changed the sheets, so like, maybe throw 'em in the dryer if you remember."</p><p>He just nodded, running his fingers through his hair. He understood that for what it was, an excuse for Ray to get out of the house and away from him for a little while, so he obviously wasn't going to needle at him to stay, "Yeah, will do. Enjoy your run."</p><p>"Yeah, seeya later." Ray said with another nod, before going back inside. He could hear him rummaging around for a moment, followed by the sound of the front door shutting.</p><p>It was only once he was sure he was gone that he sighed, leaning forward in the swing to drop his head in his hands. Fuck. How had things managed to turn so shitty within the space of an hour? When he'd first woken up this morning, all he'd wanted was to curl back up with Ray and go back to sleep. He was sort of half glad now that he hadn't though, or that he hadn't made good on his plan of kissing him awake. At least they'd both been fully dressed and out here when they'd had this conversation, rather than having to have it when they'd just woken up naked and tangled up together. There were only so many hits that his dignity could take, and it was feeling a little bruised after this morning already.</p><p>Still, there was no point in moping about it. What was done was done, and there was no point in being miserable about it.</p><p>So he dragged himself up off the swing and collected the bottles from last night, bringing them inside. Once he'd poured both them and the glasses of tequila down the sink - ignoring the way his stomach roiled at the smell of the alcohol - he cleaned the two glasses, before dumping the bottles. He'd go for a shower, and hopefully the sheets would be done in the wash by the time he was out. That was another thing actually, it seemed Ray had been eager to get rid of any indication that last night had even happened, almost as soon as he'd woken up. It was pretty shit that he was regretting the whole thing as much as he obviously did, but like he'd already said; shit happens.</p><p>So he just got into the shower once he'd tidied up, sighing as he stood underneath the hot water. The shower did actually help with the hangover a little, he didn't feel quite as nasty as he had when he'd first woken up, plus it certainly loosened up his tight muscles a little. Still, it didn't do much to actually clear his head, to stop him from feeling so shitty about last night. Realistically, he knew that it wasn't all on him, Ray had been there too and he'd been just as enthusiastic last night, but he just.. he couldn't help it. Fuck, maybe they should have agreed to just wrap things up and go home today. He didnt like to think that things might stay just as awkward for the next couple of days, that Ray would be doing his best to avoid him for the rest of the time they were here. He wanted Ray carefree and happy like he'd been the last few days, not uneasy and unable to look him in the eye like he had been this morning.</p><p>If he felt like crying again once he was actually in the shower, then he was blaming it on the shampoo he'd accidentally gotten in his eyes.</p><p>Once he'd gotten out of the shower, he went to investigate the sheets in the wash. When he found that they were done, he did what Ray asked and tossed them into the dryer. A quick glance into the bedroom told him that Ray had already made up the bed with the new sheets.</p><p>Shit, he hadn't even thought what they were going to do about the bed situation now. Obviously he hadn't had a problem with it before, and it had been nice being able to curl up with Ray the way he had last night, but now he wasn't really sure what they were supposed to do. Would it make things worse if he offered to sleep on the couch or would Ray be hoping for it? Goddamn, at least the only thing he could say was that it was only ten thirty in the morning - he could see how the rest of the day went before deciding where to sleep.</p><p>He wasn't sure how long Ray was planning to be out on his run, and he knew that he'd said he might pick something up for them for lunch on the way back, but he figured that maybe he'd try and make them something. He wasn't great at cooking, but he knew that he could make at least scrambled eggs. He sighed as he dug what he needed out of the cupboards, getting to work on chopping the peppers and the onions. He wasn't exactly sure what way Ray liked his scrambled eggs, but he figured that there was a limited amount of ways that he could screw this up - it wasn't like he was attempting anything too adventurous.</p><p>He'd just about finished by the time Ray got back, although he hated to see that the younger man still looked a little apprehensive as he let himself back into the cabin, "Hey." He murmured, biting his lip gently as he lingered in the doorway, "What's this?"</p><p>"I made breakfast. I know you said you'd pick something up, but we could keep that for later on. If you wanted?"</p><p>Ray just looked at him a moment longer before he nodded and shrugged, putting his hands in the pockets of his running shorts, "Yeah, I guess. Give me twenty minutes, I gotta shower."</p><p>"Yeah, go shower." He said with a nod, giving him a small smile. He put the bagels that Ray had brought home into the cupboard, before sighing as he turned back to the scrambled eggs. He fucking hated this, he hated the way he could feel the awkwardness in the air. Things had never been like this between them, and he couldn't help but wish that they'd never crossed that fucking line last night. Sure, it had been pretty damn incredible, but he just.. he'd never wanted things to end up like this between them.</p><p>He had toast and coffee ready by the time that Ray was finished in the shower, and he glanced over at him as they sat on opposite ends of the couch with their plates, "How was your run?" He asked, trying his best to look as though he wasn't just pushing his food around the plate.</p><p>Ray just hummed noncommittally, his attention focused more on the television rather than on Brad, "It was fine, I didn't go too far."</p><p>They lapsed back into silence at that, and Brad sighed as he continued to just push his eggs around the plate. He couldn't say he was that hungry actually - he hadn't had much of an appetite anyway because of the hangover, but whatever slight appetite he might have had had been lost after the shitty atmosphere this morning. He knew it wasn't just him feeling it either, he could almost feel the awkwardness pouring off Ray from here, even though they were at opposite ends of the couch. He sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair, glancing over in his direction, "Look, if you really want to cut the trip short, we can do that." He murmured, looking over at him. He knew there was no point in hanging around for the rest of the week if they were just going to be doing their best to avoid each other.</p><p>Ray just looked over at him, biting his lip gently, "It's probably for the best."</p><p>"Right, I'll book a flight for tomorrow afternoon then, I guess." He shrugged. Well yeah, he'd already had a flight back to California booked for Saturday afternoon, but unless he booked one for tomorrow, he'd only be hanging around Missouri until Saturday anyway. It wasn't a big deal really, today was Thursday anyway, so if they left tomorrow then they'd really only be losing out on one day.</p><p>"Cool." Ray said with a nod, giving him a tight lipped smile.</p><p> </p><p>-x-</p><p> </p><p>He didn't get much sleep that night, if he was being honest.</p><p>They'd spent a little time out on the lake that afternoon, but it just.. it didn't feel the same. He couldn't really say he'd enjoyed it, and he knew for a fact that Ray hadn't either. So once they'd given up and had decided to go back up to the cabin, theyd just spent the rest of the afternoon packing. The plan was to head back first thing tomorrow morning. Brad's flight was at three in the afternoon, which meant they really had to be leaving before eleven at the latest, to make sure that he was at the airport in time for his flight.</p><p>Still, that night wasn't much better. Nothing more had been said about the sleeping arrangements, but it was only one night, so he was pretty sure that they could cope.</p><p>It didn't mean he had to like it though, as they laid on total opposite sides of the beds, their backs to each other. He tried not to think of the night before, or how he'd fallen asleep with Ray's arms around him and his face tucked in against Ray's neck, or how he'd woken up this morning with Ray in his arms. It was a hell of a lot different to the way they were now.</p><p>He wasn't sure if Ray was still awake or not, but he was pretty sure any sort of conversation about it wouldn't be welcomed right now.</p><p>So he just sighed as he settled down, folding his arms underneath the pillow and resigning himself to a sleepless night.</p><p> </p><p>-x-</p><p> </p><p>The drive back up to Kansas City was almost as painful as he'd imagined it would be.</p><p>Things weren't quite as awkward as they had been yesterday - Ray was still up and about long before him that morning though, and it seemed he'd finished off the last bit of packing before he'd woken up. They were still tiptoeing around each other a little, but Ray would at least look at him properly, like he hadn't quite done yesterday. It seemed that he'd changed tactics on the whole situation though, that he was no longer regretting the fact that they'd slept together, but that he was simply acting as though it had never happened. He knew that that was what he'd suggested, but he still hated it.</p><p>It seemed that Ray was attempting to keep up that attitude on the drive back, turning up the music to a volume that was bordering on obnoxious. He was pretty sure that that was an attempt to ward off any serious conversation that Brad might have approached - not that he wanted to have a conversation about it, but still.</p><p>So he'd just plastered on a smile of his own, humming quietly along to the music that Ray insisted on playing.</p><p>"What are your plans for when you get back to Oceanside?" Ray asked once they were speeding along the highway, his attention focused on the road.</p><p>"I go back to work on Monday, nothing really until then anyway." He shrugged. Well yeah, his plans had been to spend the rest of the weekend with Ray, but obviously that wasn't happening now. Fuck, half of him wanted to ask Ray to pull over so that they could have a proper conversation about this like adults, and the other half of him just wanted this drive to be over already so that he could go home and lick his wounds in peace. He knew he was probably better off just leaving it though, because he didn't like to entertain the idea that trying to talk about this would end with he and Ray falling out. At least if he left it alone, they had time away from each other to just forget that this whole thing had ever happened, and then by the time they saw each other again, everything would hopefully be back to normal.</p><p>Eventually, Ray pulled the truck up to the drop-off sidewalk at the airport, and he bit his lip gently as he cut the engine, "So uh.. give me a call when you get in."</p><p>"Yeah, I will." He said once he'd come back around to Ray's window after grabbing his bag from the trunk, "It was.. I had fun, we should do this again some time." He told him, plastering on his best smile. Well yeah, at the end of the day - Ray was still his best friend, and he didn't want to leave things on an awkward note.</p><p>Ray just smiled back at him, and Brad was relieved to see that it was the first actually genuine looking smile that he'd seen from Ray since they'd had that first conversation yesterday morning, "Yeah, we should."</p><p>He wanted nothing more really than to plant a kiss on that smile, to cup Ray's face in his hands and press their lips together until he could feel him smiling against his own mouth. He knew that it wouldn't be welcomed though, that he'd only end up ruining this tentative ceasefire that they had here. He was leaving on a good note, and he didn't want to sour that. So he just nodded and smiled, knocking on the frame of Ray's rolled up window, before straightening up.</p><p>"Stay frosty." He murmured, and then he was turning and walking towards the airport, leaving Ray behind.</p><p> </p><p>-x-</p><p> </p><p>The next few days were nothing out of the ordinary really.</p><p>He'd continued to mope around for the rest of Friday even after he'd gotten home to his own house - quickly sending Ray a text that just said <i>'home now.'</i>, which Ray had responded with <i>':)'</i>. After that, he'd just switched off his phone and had left it in his bag.</p><p>Once Saturday came though, he figured there was no point in continuing to be miserable about the whole thing. What was done was done, and he and Ray had left things on as good a note as they could. So he figured he'd use the extra day home to clear out his wardrobe - which he'd been meaning to do for the last six weeks.</p><p>Everything would be alright.</p><p> </p><p>-x-</p><p> </p><p>By the time he got back to work on Monday, he was sort of glad for the return to his routine.</p><p>Not that he hadn't enjoyed the break, but he always found it a sort of waste of time to just sit at home watching TV. So since he'd gotten home from Missouri, he'd been looking forward to getting back into things. He'd spent the last few days.. well, not stewing, but something close enough to that. He hated the fact that he and Ray had left things weird between them, even if they were pretending that they hadn't. Like he'd said, the idea of actually talking about things like this made him want to bury his head in the sand and pretend everything was fine, but he hated pretending that there was nothing wrong either.</p><p>He had a busy start to his morning, which he was pretty glad of. Like he'd said, he hated sitting around idle when there were better things he could be doing. His meeting with Captain Miller and the other officers of H&amp;S thankfully hadn't taken too long, and then he'd pretty much been left to his own devices after that. He used to hate the inventory checks for each individual platoon, but once he'd gotten his routine together and didn't have anyone else interfering in that, he really didn't mind it.</p><p>So he'd been kept busy with that up until lunch, and after a quick lunch he'd gone back to his office to start filling out his inventory reports. There'd been a stand in for the last week, but it looked like he'd been right in his assumptions that he wouldn't have been as thorough about it as Brad usually would have been. It was fine though, he didn't mind taking the time to catch up with things.</p><p>He glanced up at the knock on his door, humming quietly under his breath to the song that was playing on the radio - he couldn't remember the name of it, but he was pretty sure Ray had had it on his playlist for when they'd been driving down to the Ozarks, "Come in." He called, smiling when Walt let himself into the office, "Hey, Walt, what's up."</p><p>"Hey, Gunny." The younger man replied with a grin, mainly because he knew that Brad hated that nickname when it was applied to himself. Obviously he knew that that was the typical nickname for Gunnery Sergeant's, but in his mind Mike Wynn would always be Gunny.</p><p>"How was the trip?" Walt asked as he sat in the chair opposite Brad's desk.</p><p>"It was, uh.. it was good." He answered after a moment, giving him a smile. Well yeah, in general he would say that the trip was good, there was no need to get into the details of what had happened between himself and Ray, or the fact that they had cut the trip short by a day. It was fine, they were still talking and everything, so he just.. there was no need to bring it up.</p><p>Walt just looked at him, an eyebrow slightly raised, "Oh, cool. 'Cause I spoke to him yesterday and he said you guys came home on Friday morning instead of Saturday?"</p><p>"Yeah, we uh.." He murmured, trying his best to rack his brain for some sort of excuse. When he came up with nothing though, he just sighed and rolled his eyes, slouching back in his chair a little, "What did he tell you?" He asked. He knew how close Walt and Ray were, and so he didn't doubt that Ray had probably told Walt everything anyway. He wished he wouldn't, because Brad could still get in deep shit over something like this, but he trusted Walt, so he wasn't too paranoid about it.</p><p>"He uh..." Walt started, smiling sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his head, "He told me you guys hooked up, and that you were weird about it the next morning."</p><p>He couldn't help but frown, as he listened to Walt, mainly because he hadn't been the one that was weird about it that morning. He'd been fine, it was Ray who had suggested that they cut the trip short, and then had spent the next hour out avoiding Brad, "No, I wasn't. He was the one who suggested we go home early, he'd barely even look at me the next morning." He murmured with a shrug. He felt ridiculous sitting here discussing this with Walt, like they were a pair of teenage girls.</p><p>"He said you slept out on the swing outside."</p><p>He just looked at Walt for a moment, trying to wrap his head around what he'd just said. Everything that had happened that morning, all of the awkwardness and the tiptoeing around each other, it had all been caused because Ray had woken up alone and and had assumed that he'd changed his mind and slept out on the swing? No, surely not, he couldn't have written a misunderstanding as stupid as that. He sighed, rubbing his face, "I woke up about an hour before he did, and I went out to the swing because I thought I was going to die from my hangover. I fell back asleep out there, and he woke up before I came back in." He explained through his hands.</p><p>Walt was silent for a moment, and Brad could almost feel the judgement coming from him even though he couldn't see it. God damn.. he was an adult, he and Ray were both adults - he was a hard-as-nails Gunnery Sergeant - and yet they'd both been side-stepping around each other and acting like two children because of a misunderstanding.</p><p>"What the fuck, Brad?"</p><p>He looked back up at Walt at that, trying his best to regain his composure, "You might be a Sergeant now but I still outrank you." He reminded him. He wasn't being an asshole, he just.. he was embarrassed.</p><p>Walt just rolled his eyes though, not intimidated by him in the slightest as he folded his arms, "No, seriously. You guys came home early because you were avoiding each other all morning? You couldn't have talked about it?" He asked, looking over at him, "I mean, he called me that morning when you were still on the plane to Missouri, said the whole reason he asked you on that trip was 'cause he was gonna shoot his shot with you."</p><p>"Wait, he what?" He asked, a frown crossing his face. This was all a bit much to take in right now. Ten minutes ago he'd still thought that Ray was regretting everything that had happened between, and now he knew that not only was that most definitely not the case, but that Ray had planned the whole thing? Thinking back on it, he supposed that Ray had told him that he'd wanted to kiss him for apparently a very long time. He'd written off that comment as the alcohol talking though, because he certainly hadn't thought that Ray had been planning on making a move on him the whole time.</p><p>"Brad, he's crazy about you."</p><p>He sighed as he rubbed his face again, trying his best to unfuck his head for a moment. Fuck, how had he misread things so badly here? He understood though how this had happened, why Ray had back tracked when he'd woken up and had found him out on the swing. The whole thing was pretty fucking ridiculous though, "Have you got his address? I uh.. I think I need to see him."</p><p>Walt just smiled as he reached over to swipe one of the pens on Brad's desk, quickly scrawling an address out on the notepad that was on the edge of the desk. He bit his lip gently as he looked at it once Walt had handed it back, nodding quickly as he tore the page out and pocketed it, "I won't be able to make it until the weekend, but uh.. do you think I should go?"</p><p>"Depends. If you're planning on going there just to let him down easy, then I think you should leave it alone."</p><p>He got that, but that really wasn't his plan. Of course, he didn't really know what his plan was, exactly. He just knew that he wanted to see Ray and try to clear this up, to explain that he didn't regret what had happened, "No, I think I should go."</p><p>"Alright, let me know how it works out." Walt said with a small smile, and he could only smile back.</p><p> </p><p>-x-</p><p> </p><p>Like he'd already told Walt, he wasn't able to make it to Missouri until the following weekend. He'd only taken an entire week off, and even though Miller had been pretty lenient about that, he knew he would be pushing his luck to ask for more time off, especially when he'd only been back for one day.</p><p>So, he booked a flight to Missouri for first thing Saturday morning, as well as a room at the Holiday Inn closest to the address Walt had given him. He wasn't under any impression that Ray would be all too happy for him to show up out of the blue, so he figured it was probably best not to assume that he could crash at his place for the night.</p><p>He did feel a little like he was going crazy though, for the rest of the week.</p><p> </p><p>-x-</p><p> </p><p>Eventually, Saturday morning came around, and then he was at the airport with his bag packed.</p><p>He was pretty nervous, but he tried his best not to let it show. He just.. he wasn't exactly sure how he was going to be received. They'd left things on good enough terms, but that didn't mean that Ray wanted to see him any time soon. Besides, he wasn't exactly sure what he wanted to say really. He just knew that he wanted to try and fix this, that he couldn't leave things as they had left them - especially when it was all because of a stupid misunderstanding.</p><p>So he sat through the flight, although he felt as though he was checking his watch every ten minutes. He knew he was probably making the people next to him a little nervous, with his constant fidgeting, but he was finding it hard to settle down.</p><p>Eventually the plane landed, and then he was in a cab on the way to the address that Walt had given him on Monday. He wasn't totally sure that it was even the right address - considering he'd never actually been to Ray's place in Missouri before - but he was pretty confident that Walt wouldn't have purposely given him the wrong address. He knew that he was here to fix things.</p><p>Before he had really mentally prepared himself for it, he was standing outside Ray's house, and he bit his lip gently as he looked at the door. Half of him wanted to forget about the whole thing and go back home with his tail between his legs, but he just.. things could have been so good between them for the last couple of days of their trip, and they had fucked the whole thing up because they hadn't just talked. So he supposed it was time for him to man up. So on that note, he sighed as he knocked on the door, putting his hands in his pockets once he had. He glanced back at the door when he heard footsteps approaching, although he was surprised to see that a girl with blonde hair opened the door rather than Ray. Fuck, maybe Walt had given him the wrong address.</p><p>"Uh.. hey. I don't know if I have the right house." He admitted sheepishly, "I'm Brad, I'm looking for Ray Person."</p><p>Her slightly confused expression turned to one of recognition then, and she nodded, "Oh, yeah. He's upstairs, c'mon in." She told him with a smile, "Ray, a tall blonde guy called Brad is here for you." She called up the stairs, before following him into the kitchen.</p><p>He smiled slightly at her as he leaned back against the counter, folding his arms, "Sorry to just drop in like this, I probably should have called first." He murmured with a shrug. He was mostly just trying to rack his brain to remember if Ray had ever mentioned having a house-mate. He hoped so, because he didn't like to consider the possibility that Ray was seeing this girl - both because it meant that his chances here were zero to none, and because it meant that Ray had likely cheated on her with him and hadn't told her about it. Still, she looked like the kind of girl Ray would be interested in - she had choppy blonde hair tied back in a loose ponytail and blue eyes rimmed with smudged eyeliner. He could see them together.</p><p>Ray came down the stairs a moment later, a frown crossing his face, "Did you say Brad?" He asked, before noticing Brad leaning against the counter, "What the fuck are you doing here?"</p><p>"I uh.. I think we need to talk."</p><p>"And you couldn't have just called me?"</p><p>"Not really. I talked to Walt during the week, and he kind of told me some things." He murmured, biting his lip gently.</p><p>Ray just looked at him, and after a moment the girl cleared her throat and pushed away from the counter she was leaning on, "Alright. Ray, honey, I'm gonna go. I have plans with Dominic anyway." She told him. She grabbed her bag from the kitchen table, pressing a quick kiss to Ray's cheek, before she was leaving.</p><p>Once she had gone, Ray sighed and nodded his head for Brad to follow him, leading him into the living room. He hadn't exactly been sure what to expect from Ray's place, but it was nothing out of the ordinary really. It was messy, sure, but it wouldn't have been Ray's place if it wasn't at least a little messy. There were no dirty clothes or dishes lying around though, so that was something, "She uh.. your friend was nice." He remarked with a shrug as they sat at either end of the couch.</p><p>Ray just rolled his eyes, "That's Hannah - and before you get any ideas, there's nothing going on between us. She's cool, and she plays a killer bassline, but that's it.." He explained. Well yeah, sometimes it seemed like he knew how Brad's brain worked better than Brad himself did.</p><p>"Right, cool." He said with a small smile. When Ray continued to just look at him expectantly, he sighed, rubbing the back of his head, "Walt kind of knocked me down a peg or two the other day. He said that you thought I was being weird with you, the morning after we slept together."</p><p>"Yeah, you were."</p><p>"I thought you were being weird with me." He admitted with a shrug, "As utterly ridiculous as it sounds. I went outside to get some air and fell asleep out there. I woke up next to you, and I intended to go back to bed before you woke up."</p><p>Ray just looked at him, and he honestly wasn't sure if he was about to start shouting or if he was going to get up and kiss him. He honestly wouldn't have blamed him for it either way, but he just.. he wished that he'd give him some sort of indication of what his next move was so that he could mentally prepare himself for it, "So, let me get this straight." Ray started, running his fingers through his hair, "You were being weird with me because I was being weird with you, and I was being weird with you because you were being weird with me?" He asked, a frown crossing his face.</p><p>"That about sums it up, yeah." He admitted, biting his lip gently. He glanced away from Ray when he continued to just look at him, and he caught a glance of the acoustic guitar sitting in the corner of the living room, "Will you play me something?"</p><p>"Will.. what?"</p><p>"On your guitar." He asked, looking back at him. He had spent their entire tour of Iraq with Ray caterwauling shitty pop songs next to him, but he'd never heard him actually taking it seriously. He'd gotten hints of it here and there, when Ray hadn't realised that he was listening, and he had to admit that Ray's actual singing voice wasn't terrible. He'd insisted that he was going to be in a band and that they'd be famous, so he obviously was good enough.</p><p>Ray rolled his eyes, although he stood after a moment to grab his guitar, sitting back on the couch with it, "What d'you want me to play?" He asked, and Brad just shrugged, "I don't know, anything."</p><p>He was quiet for a moment, before he started strumming on the guitar. He couldn't exactly figure out what the song was, until Ray started singing quietly, <i>"I can't fight this feeling any longer, and yet I'm still afraid to let it flow. What started out this friendship has grown stronger, I only wish I had the strength to let it show."</i> He crooned, although he wasn't looking at Brad as he sang.</p><p>Fuck, how had they fucked this up so badly? They could have had a good last few days together back at the Ozarks, and all they had done was fuck it up. Now he was sat here in Bumfuck, Missouri on Ray's couch, while Ray sang a fucking REO Speedwagon love song for him.</p><p><i>"And I can't fight this feeling anymore, I've forgotten what I started fighting for. It's ti-"</i> Ray continued on into the chorus, before stopping when Brad reached over to still his hand with his fingers curled around his wrist, "Homes, w-" He started to ask, but was cut off when Brad just leaned over to press their lips together in a hard kiss. That was all it was for a moment, before Ray let go of the guitar to cup Brad's face between his hands, turning the kiss softer. He took the guitar from Ray after a moment, not breaking the kiss as he moved it to the other end of the couch before sliding his arms around Ray's waist, pulling him to him.</p><p>"You're so fucking stupid, homes." Ray pointed out after a moment, smiling as he ran his fingers through Brad's hair, "So am I. We're both fucking stupid, but you're supposed to be the smart one. At least I have the excuse of being a dumb hick." He teased with a grin, and Brad just rolled his eyes. He never understood that actually, why Ray was so hard on himself, when realistically? He was more intelligent than half of the men in their Battalion - officers included.</p><p>"Seriously, I'd have thought you'd have enough brain cells to rub together to re-" Brad cut him off by kissing him again, coaxing Ray to drape his arms around his shoulders properly. For a moment that was all it was, before he broke the kiss to trail his mouth down over the curve of Ray's jaw instead, grinning at the way his breath hitched when he did, "Where's your bedroom?" He asked, pressing his mouth to Ray's shoulder.</p><p>Ray just rose to his feet and took his hand, pulling him to his feet and down the hall, "'Where's your bedroom?' Christ, you need to work on your romance skills, Bradley." He groused as Brad followed him up the stairs, although it took them probably twice as long as it should have to actually reach the bedroom, considering they kept stopping on the way.</p><p>"Are you complaining?" He asked with a grin once they'd reached Ray's bedroom and he backed him up against the wall, taking his hands and raising them above his head.</p><p>"Absolutely not, but keep it in mind that I'm a catch, and I need to be wooed. I'll let it slip this once, but don't think you're getting away with it again." He teased with a grin, leaning up to kiss Brad again when he smiled and rolled his eyes. He let Ray's hands go after a moment so that he could reach down to the hem of his t-shirt, pulling it up. Ray got with the picture quickly, and he leaned back enough to strip out of his t-shirt while Brad did the same. It didn't take them much longer to scramble out of the rest of their clothes, and then Ray was dragging Brad back to the bed and pushing him down onto it.</p><p>"Lube in my nightstand." Ray told him as Brad worked a mark into the side of his neck with his teeth, his breath hitching as he rolled their hips together.</p><p>He pulled back slightly at that, biting his lip gently as he looked down at Ray. Fuck, he really was beautiful, with his dark eyes and dimples. He knew a lot of people didn't see past the crooked teeth and the burn scars on his cheek, or the generally loud and obnoxious way that Ray acted, but he just.. fuck, he could see himself wanting to spend the rest of his life making Ray happy, "Will you fuck me?" He asked, biting his lip gently.</p><p>"You want me to fuck you?" Ray asked, raising his eyebrows.</p><p>"Yeah. Is tha-"</p><p>"Fuck, don't even ask me if it's okay. Course it's okay." He insisted, and then Brad found himself on his back with Ray over him, leaning down to press their lips together again.</p><p>He could feel the nerves pricking up a little as he watched Ray leaning up to rummage in the nightstand for the lube, although he just trailed his fingers gently up and down the length of Ray's sides while he did. He wanted this though, he wanted Ray for however long he'd have him. It wasn't the kind of nervousness that made him want to turn tail and run though, it was more just because of the fact that he'd never done this before. That last time with Ray had been the first time he'd ever been with a man, and so he'd certainly never been fucked before. Like he'd said though, he wanted Ray, and if he'd trust anybody to do this, it would definitely be Ray.</p><p>"You sure you want this?" Ray asked once he'd retrieved the lube, settling where he was between Brad's legs.</p><p>"Yeah, I do." He answered honestly, and Ray just smiled before leaning down to kiss him again. He didn't waste any time in rearranging himself a little so that he could press a slick finger into Brad, slowly working him open with first one finger, followed by two and then three once he'd gotten used to the stretch. It was.. weird, but not unpleasant exactly. He knew that it was necessary, but he didn't really get the hype about it - not until Ray crooked his fingers inside him and he felt the pleasure shooting up his spine, "Yeah, that's it." Ray said with a grin as he continued to press against that spot against him.</p><p>"Fuck, Ray, come on." He gasped, his fingers pressing hard into Ray's shoulders.</p><p>After Ray had decided that he'd done a good enough job of stretching him, he pulled his fingers out, before shifting back up the bed. He sat back on his hunches, pulling Brad's legs up so that his thighs rested over Ray's, before leaning back over him, "You're sure you're ready?" He asked, mouthing his way along Brad's collarbone.</p><p>"Yeah, don't even think of backing out on me now." He groused. Ray huffed out an amused little laugh before running his fingers through Brad's hair, and then he was pressing his cock into Brad with a soft moan. Like he'd said before, it was certainly an odd sensation having something up there, but fuck.. it felt good. He knew that this probably wasn't going to last all afternoon, and even more so when Ray eventually began moving.</p><p>Fuck, this was all he'd wanted since he'd realised that maybe there was something there between himself and Ray. That first time they'd slept together had been fantastic, but it certainly didn't match up to the way the lust was unclouded by the effects of the alcohol this time, the way he could make sense of each of the tiny noises Ray made as he fucked into him - quiet and desperate, so unlike what he was used to hearing from the younger man. And it most definitely didn't match up to the feeling of Ray's fingers around his cock when the pleasure got to be nearly too much, or how it felt when Ray stilled above him, groaning low in his throat as he came inside him.</p><p>Goddamn.</p><p>For a moment, they simply panted against each others mouths, before Ray pulled together the coordination to pull out and roll over to lie next to him, "Shit." He remarked, and Brad could hear the grin in his voice.</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>When he glanced over at Ray, it was to find him watching him with a small smile, and so he simply curled in close to him, dropping his arm around Ray's waist. He could feel his ribs with the way he was lying, and he let his fingers gently trail along the ladder of them, "It won't be easy." He blurted out, biting his lip gently as he glanced back up at Ray. Okay, so he'd meant to save the actual talking about this for later on, but he just.. maybe it was better to get it out of the way now.</p><p>"Hm?" Ray simply hummed, his own fingers gently scratching at Brad's scalp.</p><p>He simply propped himself up on an elbow, swallowing thickly as he looked down at the sheets between them, "This. Being with me.. it won't be easy." He explained, "I'm never gonna move to Missouri, and I'm an asshole more often than I'm not, and I'm not retiring from the Marines." He told him, glancing up at Ray. He just, he needed him to understand that. He needed him to see that he wasn't about to change for this. He was who he was, and he didn't want Ray to get tired of that if they did decide to give this a go, "I'm awful at being affectionate, and I'm terrible at remembering birthdays and anniversaries, and I c-"</p><p>"Brad." Ray interrupted him, pulling gently at his hair to shut him up, "Is this you changing your mind again? 'Cause honestly, I don't know why the fuck you came here if you don't want this."</p><p>"I do. I just.. I need you to understand that I'm not ever gonna change."</p><p>Ray just smiled and rolled his eyes, resuming his job of gently dragging his fingers through Brad's short hair, "I don't want you to change, I want you the way you are. You really think I want you to be disgustingly cute and gross? 'Cause believe me, homes, I will string you up and cut your balls off the first time you attempt to bring me flowers." He teased with a grin, "I don't want you to move to Missouri either, but I will move to California if that's something you want."</p><p>He said with a small smile. He supposed he should have known really that Ray would understand, that he wouldn't want him to change. He just.. maybe he was a bit of a pessimist.</p><p>So he just smiled and nodded, draping his arm back around Ray's waist and pulling him a little closer, "Okay, we'll see what happens." He said with a small smile, "Does this mean you're done having orgies with your cousins?"</p><p>Ray just rolled his eyes again, smiling as he pinched him on the shoulder, "Shut the fuck up, Iceman." He said with a grin, leaning in to kiss him again.</p><p> </p><p>-x-</p><p> </p><p>
  <i>Epilogue - Eight months later.</i>
</p><p>He yawned as he hitched his bag up onto his shoulder, walking back out in to the arrivals lounge of the airport.</p><p>This tour had been tough, he wasn't about to lie about that. Still, they'd been a little more involved this time around, even if he had been with H&amp;S Company this time - they'd been given less bullshit missions, they'd actually been well utilised as a Recon unit. Still, it didn't change the fact that he was happy to be home.</p><p>Not that he'd admit it to Ray, because he was still a fucking buck-toothed hick, but he'd really fucking missed him while he'd been away. After they had agreed to give things a go between them, he'd stayed for the rest of the weekend at Ray's place before catching a flight back to California. They had relied on phone calls and seeing each other on the weekends for the first couple of months, before Ray had called him two months in and had said that he could get a good deal on his house if Brad was willing to have him live in California permanently. Obviously, he hadn't hesitated in saying yes, although he did tell Ray that he didn't need to bother with the bullshit of looking for a new place to stay, that he could move in with him. So that was that, and they had been living together since.</p><p>Four months later, they'd gotten the warning order that they were being deployed again. He'd warned Ray that that was going to happen though, that he was due another deployment and that he was definitely going to go. Ray had simply rolled his eyes and threw a cherry tomato at him, "About fucking time, homes. I need you out of my hair for a couple of months so I can totally remodel this place into 'Ray's pimp condo'." He'd teased with a grin. He was pretty sure that Ray was kidding about remodelling the house while he was away, but he'd also learned long ago never to assume when it came to Ray. Still, it was whatever, he didn't really care either way. So he'd left, and he'd kissed Ray in the car before they'd gotten to Pendleton and told him that he loved him.</p><p>He glanced down at his watch for a moment as he walked on, intending to head straight for the taxi rank outside. He'd managed to call Ray from the airport in Berlin to let him know that he was coming home, although he'd insisted that he just get a taxi from the airport once he was home. It was the middle of the day on a Wednesday, Ray was probably still busy in work. Besides, he really just wanted to get home and get out of this shitty uniform.</p><p>On his way to the taxi rank though, he felt something hit the back of his head, and when he looked down with a frown, he was surprised to see Ray's shitty Elvis glasses on the floor at his feet. When he turned around, Ray was standing there with a shit eating grin, his arms folded as he leaned back against the railing behind him, "Y'know, I've always had a thing for a man in uniform. My boyfriend is away shooting bad guys right now, but I won't say anything if you don't." He teased with a grin.</p><p>"I see nothing has changed in the respect that you're still an obnoxious little cretin."</p><p>"You wouldn't have me any other way, dude."</p><p>He couldn't argue with that, and he smiled as he nodded at him to walk out with him. As much as he wanted to pull Ray to him and kiss him breathless, they were still in public, and he was still a Marine. So they walked out to Ray's truck, and once they were out of sight, he pressed him against the side of the truck, pressing their lips together, "I missed you." He murmured, biting his lip gently as he looked down at him.</p><p>Ray simply smiled, leaning up to kiss him, "Fuck, I missed you too."</p><p>He took Brad's bag and tossed it into the trunk while Brad got into the passenger side seat of the truck, and after a moment, Ray climbed into the driver's seat. He didn't start the truck though, he just pushed his sunglasses back up on top of his head, glancing back in Brad's direction, "Seatbelt." He reminded him, and Brad just rolled his eyes before doing what he was told. He turned away from Ray for a moment to grab the seatbelt from over his right shoulder, before turning back to put it on. When he turned back to Ray though, he felt his heart jump into his throat at the fact that Ray was now holding a little black box in his hand, "Ray-"</p><p>"Don't. Just.. shut up for a minute and let me talk." Ray told him, waving him off, "I love you, in a really big fucking gay way. And I know that we haven't even been dating for a year yet, but I already know that you're it for me. You're my best friend, and by Afghanistan I had already decided that I wanted you around for the rest of my life, but now it means I want to spend that time married to you rather than just as your best friend." He rushed out, and Brad was pretty sure that he hadn't actually taken a breath during that whole speech.</p><p>Fuck, he knew that he loved Ray, and that he definitely saw no end to this. But he certainly hadn't expected this to happen - for Ray to propose to him in his truck at two thirty on a Wednesday, with him still in his nasty uniform that he'd been wearing for two months, and with Ray nervous and jittery beside him after not seeing each other for months.</p><p>"Brad, say something." Ray muttered.</p><p>So he just smiled and nodded, holding out his hand so that Ray could slide the ring onto his finger. It was nice actually, a simple silver band. He barely had a moment to admire it though before Ray was grabbing his face and pulling him into a kiss. He went with it for a moment, bringing his own hand up to cup Ray's cheek in his hand. Yeah, fuck, he knew that this was what he wanted.</p><p>"That does mean you're saying yes, right?" Ray asked after a moment, pulling back from the kiss just enough to look him in the eye.</p><p>"Course I'm saying yes, even if that was the gayest fucking speech I've ever heard in my life." He teased with a grin.</p><p>"Shut the fuck up, Big Gay Brad."</p><p>He simply smiled and closed the distance to kiss him again, letting Ray shift a little to wrap his arms properly around his neck, "How quickly d'you think you can get us back to the house?"</p><p>Ray just grinned, pulling back from Brad so that he could turn the keys, starting the engine, "Fifteen minutes." He promised with a wink, and Brad just laughed and leaned back against the seat as they pulled out of the parking space, dropping his hand to rest on Ray's thigh.</p>
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